“Zelda.” I shook my head. “Sheesh. Couldn’t you just say that you have a friend on the Rebels? Leave it at that?”
“I could, but it wouldn’t be entirely accurate. I know Leo, but I wouldn’t call him a friend. He’s a friend of a friend.” A wicked grin spread over her mouth. “A fucker of a friend.” She giggled, amused by her own words.
Next to her, well into her fifth beer, Gia laughed, too. “She’s not wrong, Quinn. You can’t argue with her logic.”
“I could, but I have a feeling it wouldn’t help me much at this point. You two are both tipsy.” I pointed at them. “I’m just glad Nate’s parents aren’t coming home tonight.”
“Why? We’re all legal, doll.” Zelda lifted her bottle to me in a toast. “G and I are staying over, so we’re not driving. And you’ve only had one beer all night.”
She was right. As much as I was enjoying my evening with the girls, I knew I had to stay sober in case anything happened with Nate. I’d checked on him several times over the course of the evening, but he’d remained sound asleep. At one point, he’d opened his eyes when I’d brushed the hair across his forehead, but I wasn’t sure he’d heard or understood me when I’d told him about Gia and Zelda being here.
“You know, you gotta admit ...” Gia pointed the neck of her beer bottle at the television. “Leo is looking damn good. I thought he was hot in high school, and he was definitely smokin’ in college. But now? Damn. I’d hit that.”
“Gia.” I wasn’t mad; I knew she was both teasing and drunk, which took away any responsibility for what she said. She’d been chugging down the beer since the game came on, explaining she hated watching football anymore, and if she was doing this out of love for me, it had to be with a decent buzz on. Still, I didn’t need anyone pointing out the hotness of my ex-boyfriend as the camera panned in on him along the sidelines.
“That’s Leo Taylor, who’s a local Delaware Valley boy.” The announcer paused a beat as I watched Leo swipe one hand over his wet hair. He glanced down the field, his face intent on what was going on with his team, and I drank in every nuance like a woman dying of thirst. It had been so many weeks—months—since I’d seen Leo in the grocery store on the Fourth of July. I hadn’t realized how much I missed him until I’d seen him now. Longing thumped in my heart.
“Yeah, Taylor burned up the field back in his Eatonboro High days, and then he was a strong player at Carolina. He came in the second half of this game, and he’s made some impressive catches. Must be gratifying for him, coming back to his old stomping grounds and helping his team to play so well.”
“What are you going to do?” Zelda spoke softly, but I heard her, and I knew what she meant. I met her eyes and gave a tiny shrug.
“I don’t know. I can’t think about it now. And by the time I can, I don’t know if it’ll be too late or not.”
“Leo will wait.” Gia offered me a sympathetic smile. “I mean ... that sounds terrible, doesn’t it? Like we’re impatient for Nate ... well, you know I don’t mean it that way. But Leo loves you, Quinn. He’d do anything for you.”
“Nate says ...” I hadn’t quite come to terms with Nate’s words from earlier in the day. “Nate says if I jump into anything with Leo too soon, it might not be good. I might ruin us for good.”
“What kind of bullshit is that?” Gia bristled on my behalf. “Why would Nate say that?”
“He’s trying to help me.” I defended Nate. “He wants me to be happy after ... well, after. And he thinks that if I don’t take the time to figure out my own crap, Leo and I won’t make it for the long haul.”
“I think he’s right.” Zelda spoke up from her corner of the sofa. “Nate knows Quinn—and Leo—better than anyone else does.” She gazed at me steadily, all evidence of her previous beer buzz gone. “You say that you’ve always been between them, right? It’s been Nate, Quinn and Leo as long as you can remember. Well, maybe you need to figure out how to be Quinn, by yourself. You have to find out if you can be all right on your own, without either of the boys.”
I closed my eyes. “It’s fucking scary to think about that. I don’t know who or what I am without one or both of them in my life. Even when Leo and I are apart, I can still feel him. I still think of myself in terms of him. I’m not sure how to go on without them both.”
“But youcando it, doll.” Zelda rubbed my foot where it rested next to her on the couch. “You’re stronger than you know. I promise that you are.” She seemed as though she wanted to say something else and then gave her head a little shake. “You don’t have to think about it now. There’ll be time later. But I do think Nate has your best interest at heart. I’ve never seen anyone love someone so purely as Nate does you, Quinn. He only wants your happiness, even when he’s not going to be here to see it.”
I nodded. “I don’t doubt that. Nate ... I think he feels bad on some level for asking me to marry him, even though it’s what he wanted. Those couple of months after we came down here, before he really began to decline, they were happy ones. Happier than I ever thought they could be, to be honest. I won’t lie and say it’s all sunshine and roses now, but even if I hadn’t married Nate, this would be a terrible time. I’d still be losing him, but I wouldn’t have the comfort of knowing that I’ve done every single thing I could to make sure his last days were exactly what he wanted.”
“I know.” Gia scooted closer to snuggle against me. “I thought you were a little crazy at the time, I’ll admit that, but I see it now. But afterwards, won’t you deserve a little of that happiness, too?”
“Of course she will.” Zelda moved to flank me on the other side, elbowing me in the ribs as she settled down. “But Nate wants her to have the real thing. He’s thinking about more than just a temporary fix.” She fixed me with a steady gaze, and if I hadn’t known better, I would’ve been tempted to say her eyes were a little misty. “You deserve all the good stuff, doll. You’re the best person I’ve ever known, and I guess I’m like Nate. I want you to have it all, and I think for that to happen, you can’t fall into something without being sure it’s what’s best for you.”
I sank deeper into the cushion, and for the first time in months, I felt surrounded by the support and the incomparable, unconditional love of my friends. I let myself relax into that feeling.
“I love you two crazy bitches, you know that? Thank you so much for coming down here. If you hadn’t, I’d probably have sat alone in front of the television with my chili, crying. Thanks for rescuing me from that.”
“Any time, doll.” Zelda nestled against me. “Now hush so I can enjoy the last two minutes of some seriously fine specimens of hot men.”
“Speaking of hot men ...” I side-eyed her. “How’re things between you and Tucker?”
She didn’t look away from the game. “Next topic.”
I quirked one eyebrow. “Oh, I see how it is. We can talk aboutmypersonal situation, aboutmylove life or lack thereof ... we can talk about the shit Gia’s dealing with still and how much she’s struggling, but when it comes to the great and mighty Zelda, there are subjects that are off-limits?”
“Yup.”
“Hmph.” I crossed my arms over my chest, watching as number twenty-two, also known as Leo Taylor, jogged onto the field for his team’s last-ditch attempt to tie up the game. I sighed almost without knowing it. “Uh, that hardly seems fair. You said when you were down here in August that things were going okay. You seemed almost optimistic about the whole relationship. So unlike you.”
