“Okay. Maybe some fudge, too?” I wasn’t hungry for much these days, but my sweet tooth was still kicking.
“You got it.” Quinn hooked her purse up over her shoulder. “You boys behave now.”
As soon as we heard the screen door slam shut, Tuck turned back to me, smirking. “So. Married life, huh? How’s it treating you?”
I rolled my eyes. “Not as good as it would be treating you, but in my very particular situation, I’m not complaining about anything. And since we’ve been living down here, life’s been pretty damn sweet. I mean, for a guy who’s about to die, anyway.”
Tuck nodded. He and I had never pulled punches with each other; rooming together for four years had meant that we knew each other’s deepest fears and darkest secrets, even if we never actually sat and poured out our hearts like girls did. This kind of shit sort of seeped out over time. I was aware of his difficult struggle to come to terms with partial paralysis after the injury that had snapped his spine. And he knew that I’d wanted to live the fullest life possible before death crept in and ended it all. We didn’t have to talk about it. We lived it, daily.
“Quinn seems happy. When I called her the other day about setting this up, she said everything was going well down here.”
“It is, I think, but I’m glad she can spend today with Zelda. Sometimes I’m not the greatest company, seeing as I’m sleeping so much. And my mom’s been working on being more patient, but she’s not exactly Quinn’s best friend. I know she missed both Zelda and Gia.” I paused a minute, tugging my blanket up a little higher. “So, speaking of Zelda ... what’s happening there?”
“God, hell if I know.” Tucker let his head loll down over the back of his chair. “I don’t know, man. Just when I think we’re on the same page and that things are going okay for us, something implodes and we’re barely talking again. Right now, everything’s good. But I guess we’re both still figuring out shit in our lives. I just wish she’d turn to me when she’s mad or upset. Instead, she pulls away and hides. Stops taking my phone calls.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I love her. Pretty sure she’s the one for me. I can’t imagine spending the rest of my life with any other woman. But we need to figure out the tough stuff. Sometimes I’m not sure where I stand with her.”
“Yeah.” I was silent, thinking. “Never had any worries about that with Quinn. We’ve known each other so long, the three of us actually, that I can usually be sure what she’s thinking or feeling before she even guesses it herself.” I let my mind wander back, remembering. “I knew she was in love with Leo before she admitted it to anyone, I think. And I was all too aware that he was in love with her when he was still in deep denial, sleeping with every other girl so he could pretend Quinn wasn’t the one he really wanted.” My mouth twisted. “Those were fun times, seeing as I’d known I loved Quinn since before we even started junior high.”
Tuck shook his head. “I can’t even imagine. I think about the three of you, and what you’ve gone through ... hard to believe you’re still friends. Have you seen Leo since the wedding?”
“Nope.” I shrugged. “Quinn said something a few weeks ago, about how maybe he’d come over to see us when his team is playing in Philadelphia, but I’ll be surprised if that happens. I can’t blame him, though. If this situation were reversed, there’s no way I’d want to hang out with Leo and Quinn after they were married.”
“You didn’t seem to have a problem being with them when they were together, back in college,” Tucker pointed out.
“If you think that’s true, you weren’t paying attention. Either that, or I’m a better actor than I thought. It fucking killed me every time he touched her, or when she’d sit in his lap ... the only saving grace was that since we went to school in different states, it didn’t happen often.”
“Still. You handled it better than I would’ve, under the same circumstances.”
I picked up a strip of bacon and tried a bite. “Quinn was happy in those days, and that’s really all I wanted. I tried to focus on that instead of ... why and how she got that way, you know?” Nudging the plate closer to him, I offered him some of my breakfast. “Want some of this? Quinn made too much. I can’t eat all of it.”
“I won’t say no to some bacon.” Tuck nabbed the remaining piece. “So what do you think is going to happen after ... after you’re not here? Between Quinn and Leo?”
Trust Tucker not only to bring up the elephant in the room but to ride it across the floor. “I’m not sure. Most days, I try not to think about it. Not like I can do anything, right? Unless there’s something in the great beyond that gives me the right to say who ends up where, and that seems pretty damn doubtful.”
“I think you’re overlooking something.” Tuck finished the bacon and reached for some toast. “Right now, when you can still have influence, you could talk to Quinn and find out what she’s thinking.”
“I could, but I’m not sure I want to.” I pressed my fingers into my eyes, hoping the ache behind them was just emotion and not a looming killer headache. “Tuck, I want Quinn to have a life full of happiness. I’m not going to be around to make sure that happens. If Leo can give her that chance, I want her to take it. I’d rather have the two of them be together than miserable apart, you know? Even after all we’ve been through, I love them both.” I fought against the sudden tightness in my chest that I knew had nothing to do with my illness and everything to do with my overwhelming love for Quinn. “The only thing that worries me is that they’ve never been able to stick. Back in high school, when they broke up ... that was partly my fault, sure, but I wasn’t altogether wrong when I said Leo was making Quinn unhappy. And then in college, Quinn couldn’t handle football coming first—or at least, that’s what she said. I think it was more than that, though. It wasn’t so much the game or the media as it was Quinn trusting that Leo really loved her.”
“It’s not as though anything has changed since then,” Tuck pointed out. “They’ve been avoiding each other or pretending everything’s fine.”
“You’re not wrong. And if they do get together again after I’m gone, and it doesn’t work ... I’m afraid that’ll be it for them. They need to—how did you say it? Figure out their shit before they give it another try, or they might end up destroying any chance for the future.”
“I’d say you’re right on the money.” He stuffed the last square of toast into his mouth. “But what can you do to make that happen?”
An idea was slowly forming in my mind. “If you were going to take advice from anyone, wouldn’t it be from a dying man?”
Tucker’s eyebrows shot up. “Seriously?”
“I think so.” I nodded. “I owe them both this much. We’ve ...” My voice cracked. “As long as I can remember, Leo and Quinn have been my friends. Even when things were strained between us, I knew I could count on them. They didn’t have to stick by me. You might not have noticed this, but I can be difficult sometimes. You know, the whole no-filter deal. Telling it like it is.”
He feigned surprised ignorance. “No way, really? Never saw that in you. Not once.”
I rolled my eyes. “Right. But no matter what, they’ve been beside me, or behind me—whatever. I want to do this for them. I want them to have their happily-ever-after, and if I can do anything to help make it happen, I will.”
“Impressive, man. I guess getting near the end must make you downright saintly.”
I smirked. “Must be. Or maybe I’m just the most noble guy you’ve ever met.”
Tucker stretched his arms. “Nah, dude, I lived with you for four years. I know the real Nate Wellman, remember? Leaving dirty boxers all over the floor does not a noble man make.”
“That was just something I did so you wouldn’t be embarrassed by all your bad habits.” I leaned back, thinking how glad I was that five years ago, someone in the campus housing department at Birch College had matched me with this guy. He was the friend I hadn’t counted on making, but I was grateful that I’d gotten the chance to know him.
“So what’s your big plan for dropping advice on Quinn and Leo?” Lacing his fingers together behind his head, he regarded me with interested expectation.
“I think it’s about time Leo made a trip up here for one last visit to his dying friend.”
