The slight tremble in her mum’s voice, the hesitation as though she already knew the answer and hadn’t wanted to ask the question caused Fancy’s chest to tighten to such an extent, she thought it might cave in on itself. “A man came to see me last night. His name is Dibble.”
Her mum’s body jerked as though she’d been delivered a physical punch by a giant. Leaning back, Mum studied her face. “What did he do to you?”
“Nothing.” Not wanting her mum to worry, she couldn’t confess how for a few moments he’d terrified her, and she’d been afraid he would hurt her—until Matthew put a stop to that. “He wanted money, claimed to be my father.” Based on her mother’s reaction, she feared she had the answer she’d been seeking, but still she asked the question anyway. “He wasn’t lying, was he?”
Her own eyes damp, her mum cradled her face with one hand. “I’m so sorry, pet.”
“Did you love him?” She was well aware one didn’t always have control over one’s heart and the path it wanted to travel.
“Ah, no, pet. How could you think I’d love such a vile excuse for a human being? But from the moment I realized I was increasing, I wanted you.”
She shook her head. “But I don’t understand why you ever let him touch you.”
Her mum stepped back. Her eyes grew damper before she finally shuffled to her chair and dropped into it as though a boulder had suddenly landed on her. “Sit down, pet.”
Fancy didn’t want to. Her body seemed to sense that at any moment she would want to flee and needed to be in position to run as quickly as she could. Still, she couldn’t deny her mum’s simple request, so she eased down onto the edge of the chair across from her, but couldn’t relax as every muscle remained tense, awaiting a blow.
“He was the landlord, you see. While people paid when they left their babes with me to raise, it wasn’t enough to last years. Not able to leave my five wee ones alone, my options were limited for working. I didn’t read well and that put me at a disadvantage. Which is one of the reasons I’m so proud of you for your teaching.”
She’d known her mum struggled with reading, had no memory of ever seeing her read, of ever having her read to her.
“So I made matchboxes and did piecework. Your brothers and sister, as they got older, they began working. But still coins were often scarce, and when I didn’t have the money for the rent, well, he had other ways I could pay him.”
Her stomach roiling, Fancy slammed her eyes closed. “He hurt you.”
“He never raised a hand to me. Because I didn’t love him, it wasn’t pleasant having him touch me, but I couldn’t have my children put out on the street, now could I? Don’t cry, love.”
Herchildren. Children who had once belonged to others, to people who had brought them to her to care for. And she’d raised them as her own. Opening her eyes, she swiped at the tears on her cheeks. “It was horrible, what he did. He needs to be punished.”
“Your brothers saw to that. You growing inside me couldn’t stay a secret for long, so I told them the truth. They were fourteen, big strapping lads. They took their fists to him. He never bothered me after that. Didn’t even ask for rent money anymore. Course, Mick eventually bought the properties around here.”
“Did Gillie know about my... about Dibble, as well?” She couldn’t attribute the wordfatherto him.
Her mum nodded.
“Why didn’t you tell me the truth?”
“Because I never wanted you to be ashamed of where you come from. I never wanted you to doubt that you were a welcomed addition to my life. I loved you from the moment I realized you were going to be.”
Burying her face in her hands, she sobbed for all her mother had endured, for being forced to let that maggot touch her. And she wept for herself, because part of that man was inside her. Not a war hero for a father, not a grand love.
Her mother’s arms came around her. “I’m so so sorry, love. After the lads saw to him, I thought he would stay away forever. No reason for you to know my shame.”
Fancy jerked her head up. “Your shame?”
“For laying with a bloke I hadn’t wed.”
“Ah, Mum, the shame is his, not yours.” Yet even as she said the words, she realized she felt a sense of shame as well. It hadn’t been easy growing up born out of wedlock, but at least she’d believed she was the product of something beautiful. To know ugliness had been responsible for creating her made her want to weep all over again.
“We can debate that later. Once your brothers find out about his visit—”
“I don’t want to tell them.” She was still struggling with the fact that her siblings had all known such a horrible secret about her and kept it to themselves. To protect her, but at what point was there too much protection?
“He took money from you.”
“No, he didn’t. A gentleman who lives in the area happened by and put a stop to things, had him arrested.”
“Thank the Lord for that. Still they need to know.”
