“Perhaps if she was still a baby who didn’t know she was being taken.” Tears pooled in her eyes. “But she isn’t. She has plans. To build a cottage in a tree. She loves Fanny and Joe Baker, and they love her. That was so obvious. She has roots there. If I had pulled her up, she might have withered.”
She shook her head, the tears spilling over onto her cheeks. “I worried for so long that she was with someone who wouldn’t care for her or love her as I would, that she was mistreated and miserable, but she has a good life, I think.” More tears. She covered her mouth. “But still it was hard to walk away from her, probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”
Crossing over, he took her into his arms, held her tight, hated the trembling he felt coming from her. “I know.”
“Was it hard for you?”
“It nearly killed me, even knowing you’d made the correct decision, that it was the right thing to do. I didn’t expect to love her so much, so quickly.” The moment she’d turned and he’d seen her smile, he’d been lost. “I don’t know where you found the strength to walk away, but I admire you for it.”
“I do want to see her again, often, but not enough to interfere. Although maybe when we’ve met with success, we can establish a trust for her, help provide for her. If I’m still your partner, that is.”
Drawing back, he cupped her cheek, damp and cold with her tears, and stroked his thumb over it. “You are, in all things.”
“I’m sorry for everything I said to you last night.”
“We’ve survived worse than ugly words, Vivi.” He wanted to kiss her but didn’t think now was the time. She was too heartsore, and his emotions were raw as well. “Will you have dinner with me this evening?”
“I’d like that very much.”
He tucked her face back into the crook of his shoulder and held her near as they journeyed toward a destination he was beginning to doubt was right for them.
Chapter 25
Having not slept the night before and enduring all the emotional upheaval of the morning, she retired exhausted to her bedchamber after they returned to the club. With Meg’s assistance, she removed her clothes, climbed into bed, and rested her head on the pillow. Within a few minutes, the rain pattering on the panes lulled her into sleep.
When she awoke, the room was cast in shadows, night had fallen, and her heart was not as heavy as it might have been. It helped immensely to know her child was well cared for. Hearing the mewling, she got out of bed and lifted the kitten from its box.
“I shall have to give you a name. Mouser, I think. No, that’s not right. I shall consult with Robin on the morrow. I’m certain he knows the perfect name for you.”
Setting the kitten back into its box, she pulled the sash that rang the bell downstairs. Soon after, Meg joined her and began to help her prepare for dinner. When she was finished, she had the servant carry the cat down to the kitchens to be fed, while she took a few more minutes of quiet to settle herself. She needed to stop looking back, and to begin looking forward. She needed to stop blaming the young girl she’d been for things that had not been her fault, matters that could not be changed. She needed to forgive herself.
With a sigh, she headed for the door. Perhaps the forgiveness would come on the morrow.
Stepping out of her rooms, she saw Finn once again at the landing, arms folded over the railing, glancing out over his domain. She thought she’d never cease to take pleasure from the sight of him. When he glanced over at her, that sensual smile taking possession of his mouth, she thought her chest would forever tighten as her heart swelled with the love she felt for him. She would forever remember the sight of him swinging his daughter into his arms, the moment of bittersweet realization that she couldn’t give him his child forever, that he had understood and accepted long before she did that it was an impossibility.
He straightened. “You wore the gown.”
Taking the skirt in her hands, she swished it around and gave him a saucy smile. “I thought you might take me waltzing as well.”
“I don’t have the orchestra on hand tonight, but I can hum.”
“That will work.”
He tenderly touched his fingers to her cheek. “Are you all right?”
“I will be. Sleeping for a bit helped. How are you?”
“Thinking I might help with the building of a cottage in a tree in the spring.”
“You might have to have Angela teach you how to pound a nail into wood.”
“We’ll see her often, Vivi, I promise.”
Of course, she could go see her daughter without him, but it would be more pleasant to have him about. And it was time to turn their attention to other things. “I’ve thought of a couple of more ladies we can offer memberships to. I’ll write out invitations to them before Robin arrives tomorrow to dispatch them.”
His smile dwindled, his brow furrowed. “Is it what you really want? To manage this place?”
“It’ll provide me with an income, so I can establish homes for children who might otherwise go to baby farmers. And I want to write my articles.”
