Drake was broken down. He was shaky and wheezing. He was dying. But he was still Drake Hamilton, devil incarnate. “I didn’t tell him because I didn’t want him to lose his family’s land. He would have been so hurt.” I did not want to cry in front of this man, but through my own hot tears, I thought I saw a flash of pain in Drake’s eyes. “This land was—is—his connection to his mother.” I choked on a sob. “If we got married, you would have sold the land to that builder, and it would have torn Logan apart as he watched his mother’s family’s land get destroyed. Where there was a forest, there would be condos. Where there was a quiet lake, a tourist trap of souvenir stories. Where there was a meadow, a new golf course.
“I didn’t think then, as an eighteen-year-old girl—and I don’t think now—that I am worth Logan losing his land.” I sniffled and took a swipe at my eyes. “I didn’t want to be the cause of that loss. I truly thought he would meet someone else, a beautiful woman, probably at college out East, and have a lot of kids, and he would then get to keep his mother’s land. He would forget about his high school girlfriend, forget about me, and he would be happy with his new family.
“He walked this land with Laina. They floated around in inner tubes on the lake. They watched the sunsets and sunrises together. They rode snowmobiles and hiked right here…” I choked up again. I tried not to cry, but I couldn’t help it. Tears streamed down my face at everything we had lost because of this twisted man. “And you were going to take that from him because you could not stand the thought of me—a white trash girl, you called me, anO’Donnell—living on what you believed wasyourland.”
I thought I saw tears in Drake’s eyes, but maybe that was water in his eyes due to his age and illness.
“By not telling him, you lost Logan,” Drake said.
“I am well aware of that,” I snapped. “I know.”
“I thought you would tell him. You didn’t, though. Because you loved him too much.” There was silence between us as he gulped in oxygen again. “Bellini,” he said, and this time his voice was soft, low, defeated. “I’m sorry.”
I was surprised at the apology but didn’t care. Damage done. I would never see Drake again. This whole conversation was ripping me apart. I wanted out.
“I’m sorry, too. I’m sorry you hurt your own son the way you did. We loved each other, Drake. I never would have stood in the way of him going to college where he did. I wanted that for him. We filled out his application together. After we graduated, we could have been together. We were happy together. We were best friends since kindergarten. You hurt him. You hurt your own son. He has never met anyone else he wanted to marry. He hasn’t had the kids he thought he would have.”
Drake closed his eyes, and this time the tears slipped through like two rivers. “I did hurt him.”
“You let your hate for my family get in the way of a father’s love for his son.” I had lost Logan. I had been in a lonely, exhausting marriage. I had lost a baby. All of that could have been avoided if not for Drake.
“You’re right, Bellini, I did. And in the end, all I gained was seeing my son pining for you. Longing for you. Loving you. He has never been serious about any other woman.”
And I had never been serious about any other man. I never should have married my first husband. That was wrong of me.
“I changed my will, Bellini, when the doctor told me that this disease would kill me. I knew I’d done wrong. There are no restrictions. Everything goes to Logan. If he marries you, the land remains his—and yours. I made a mistake, Bellini. A terrible mistake, and I am sorry. I should have told you when I did it almost two years ago.” He shuddered, head to foot. “Maybeyou would have come back, then. Maybe if Logan knew, he would have gone to get you. Brought you home.”
“Yes, you should have told me.” I was shaking, absolutely enraged. “You should have toldhim.”
“I didn’t because I’m a coward. I’m a miserable son of a gun. Selfish. I didn’t tell Logan because I thought I would lose him. He would never speak to me again if he knew that I was responsible for taking you away from him. He would walk away. I would die without my son. He’s all I have. His mom was scared of me—she didn’t love me. I didn’t deserve her love. But at least I had Logan.” A sob broke through, a burst of regret and remorse. “Even now, he watches out for me, calls my doctors, takes me to my appointments, and I was too scared to give that up. I wanted to see him, to be with him during my last days.”
“So, it was all about you. What you wanted. What you needed. As usual, as always. You.”
Drake dipped his head.
“He’s done everything for you, but you’ve never even been kind to him. Never loving, never helpful.” I could hear my own voice pitching up, cracking. Logan had not deserved a father like Drake. No one did.
“I have been a failure as a father, I know that. I see all my faults clearly, finally, as an old and sick man. A sober man now. I can see the truth, and I regret…everything. Everything.”
Bitterness ran through his words, but I didn’t care. He had made his own bed. “You should have told Logan the truth. You should have told him what you told me. You should have told him so he would know why I walked away from him. Tell Logan the truth now. He needs to know.” I dragged in air to keep from giving in to the urge to leap off the couch and flip Drake upside down. “I should have told him.” I could hardly breathe. I felt like I had a rock in my throat, and even the rock was crying. “But Idid what I thought was best for Logan. You didn’t do what was best for him, and you have to deal with that.”
“He still loves you. I’ve seen it in him since you’ve been back. When he comes to check on me, he’s happier now than he’s been in years—since I broke the two of you up. He smiles now. He laughs. He looks relaxed. Hopeful. That’s what he lost when he lost you—happiness.”
“Tell him, Drake. Do this one thing before you die. Tell him the truth. I’m done keeping your secret. Completely done. If you don’t, I will.”
But telling Logan wasn’t going to be necessary.
Logan stood in the doorway of the family room. He was leaning against the log wall as if he could hardly stand up. He was pale, but at the same time, I could tell he was fighting hard within himself to not utterly lose it with his father. I’ve never seen him so white-hot livid.
“Logan,” I whispered, standing, wiping my tears off my face.
“Son,” Drake said, his breath weak. “Son… You heard?”
“Yes. I heard. I heard it all. Every word. Did you actually think I would leave you alone with Bellini?” His words were biting, sharp, zinging around the room.
Drake’s head dipped again, then he pulled himself together and stared at Logan, the fire casting more ghastly shadows over his pale face. “I’m sorry.”
“Sorry?” Logan’s rage shot through the cabin and ricocheted off every log. “You’re sorry?” he yelled, stalking into the room now, his arms spread wide in disbelief. “You ruined years of my life, Dad. Ruined them. You broke up my relationship with Bellini.She left me. She was the best thing, besides Mom, that has ever happened to me, and you took her away from me. You made her choose. She chose me, but in choosing me, she had to leave me.”
