They topped it off with, “We are better off without these men in our lives. They brought nothing positive to the table, to the bedroom, to the bank account, or to our general happiness—in fact, it was the opposite. They are unkind, thoughtless, andselfish cavemen. We, as women, refuse to be dragged down any further, despite the cultural, religious, and societal pressure to stay married, even if one is married to two-legged viruses who pop into other women’s beds—including the beds of women who are always proclaiming that they are faithful Christians and condescendingly condemn those who are not Christian. If you call us, we will tell you the names of these so-called Christian women here in Kalulell who popped their poppies onto our husbands’ popsicles.”
It was the talk of the town, I’m told, foryears, for many reasons. Most especially: Who were the two-legged viruses sleeping with? The women who had slept with the soon-to-be ex-husbands did call Amelia and Addy andbeggednot to be named. Amelia and Addy said they should have thought of that before they bonked another woman’s husband!
The Carruther women were stars in the eyes of the women of the town, and a number of divorces followed. If the Carruther women could divorce, couldn’t they? Soon a divorce was known as “Carruthering your husband.”
Amelia and Addy were a curse in the eyes of the men in town. They didn’t want their own wives to think they were “horse-jackin’ sleaze fiends” or to make fun of their pickles. Nor did they want their wives to start thinkin’ they could go out and get a divorce. No, that wouldn’t do. Their wives were notallowedto divorce. They needed to remain at home, submissive and subservient, a hot dinner waiting.
Many of the men in town started looking at their wives differently. What was going on behind that pleasant smile? Did their wives think they were, “poor and selfish in the bedroom,” or “demented, rutting boars?”
But that night, the Carruther twins got in a fight over the tequila shots. Amelia thought Addy drank her shot. Addy denied that crime most vociferously. Amelia said this was the third timeit had happened. Addy denied it again. Beer was sloshed in one face, then the other, and then it ended up in a messy fight.
I separated them, with help from Stacy and Javier. We had to be very, very careful, as no one wanted those ladies to fall and break a hip! When they settled down, I brought them each another shot of tequila, and they apologized and cleaned up their mess, even insisting on getting out the mop.
And there it was. Another serene evening at Lady Whiskey’s Bar and Grill.
Logan called me at work the next evening.
“Would you like to see my aquarium?” he asked. He tried to muffle his laughter, but he couldn’t.
It was eight o’clock. It had snowed. A lot. There were three snowmen outside of Lady Whiskey’s that had been created by four brothers who always came in to drink beer and play poker. The snowmen all looked a little dizzy. Their eyes were off kilter, their arms were badly angled, and they appeared to be grimacing. But the dizzy snowmen were definitely in the Christmas spirit, as they were wearing Santa hats and red and green scarves. Plus, the brothers had put a wood sign in front of them that said, “Merry Beer Christmas.”
It had been a long shift. I had fielded many calls about the T and A show from people who were performing, asking what to wear, what didburlesquemean in terms of costumes, how much time did they have onstage again? They couldn’t remember and apparently were not taking the time to go through my quite detailed list that I had re-emailed to everyone. Again. For clarity.
I was also working on a hundred details to get the show up and running and everyone in the right place at the right time. I didn’t have time to doanythingelse.
“I would love to see your aquarium,” I told him. “Do you have an octopus in your tank?”
“Yes, I do. His name is Herman,” Logan said, not missing a beat. “And I now have a great white shark. Her name is Beatrice.”
“Then, yes, to see the shark, Beatrice, and the octopus, Herman, I’ll agree to come to your place. I will only accept your invitation because of my desire for a marine biology lesson, so do make sure the lesson is informative and engaging. Also, note I am coming strictly for intellectual stimulation only.”
“Noted,” he agreed. “I will strictly and obediently follow all rules as will Herman and Beatrice.” He picked me up from work, and we barely made it up the stairs and into his loft. It is a good thing that there is a thick rug in front of his fireplace.
I woke up in the middle of the night in Logan’s bed, his body wrapped around mine, a warm comforter over both of us. It was so quiet, so peaceful, the darkness in his bedroom lit only by bright white stars. This was the happiest Christmas I’d had since I’d left Logan. I laced my fingers through his.
“You okay?” he murmured sleepily.
“Yes, I’m fine.”
“I hope you found my octopus acceptable, a conduit of many marine biology lessons, as you requested.”
“I found your octopus to be strong and capable. I felt all eight of your octopus legs wrapped tightly around me. The lesson was both informative and titillating, as planned.”
“Good. I am proud that I followed all the rules. I understood you were coming to my home for intellectual reasons only. Strictly.”
“Intellectual stimulation only,” I whispered, my breath catching as he ran a warm hand over my top half. “Strictly.”
He flipped me toward him and gave me a long kiss. I wrapped my arms around him.
I could tell that his octopus was going to be busy again soon.
29
Logan
Logan hugged Bellini close to him before she left that morning to be with her mom. He wanted her to stay in bed with him. He wanted to take the day off work and go out to breakfast with her, then go skiing…or they could go to the bakery on the first floor, then the bookstore. Then they could come back upstairs and eat and read for the rest of the day. Honestly, he’d be happy to go to the grocery store with her and study the different ingredients in salsa for hours on end if that would make her happy.
Logan took a shower, then made coffee. It was convenient to be eighteen stairs away from work, but he had no desire to go to work. He could hardly think anymore. This was what Bellini did to him. This was what she’d always done to him.
