On Sunday evening, I left the bar in Javier’s and Marco’s capable hands at about seven and went home to take care of my mother. My aunt had left earlier to go to a Women’s Wine and Whine Party. The town was bustling because the Christmas tree in the square was going to be officially lit up that night, colorful lights and all. A local band would lead everyone in Christmas songs, free hot chocolate would be given out, and on and on. It was like a Hallmark movie without all the cameras and a director frantically yelling at the actors.
As I wanted Christmas to quietly pass me by this year, as I had wanted every year for a long and cold time, I was glad to be in my truck and headed home. My truck, nicknamed Alessandra, is an old, blue, rumbly behemoth I drove in high school that is built like a tank and totally reliable. Logan and I used to roll around in the back on top of blankets.
“Mom, I’m home!” I called up the stairs. I took time to pet all my cats, who purred and whirled around my legs. Petunia wanted to be carried around my neck, and Mrs. Books shrieked at me since she wasn’t getting enough attention. Sir Scott jumped from couch to love seat to chair, then stared at me, waiting for my exuberant praise of his athletic prowess.
My mom was in bed, a vanilla candle burning, staring at herMarry Meapplication. “I want to word this exactly right,” she told me. “Can you help me?”
“Yes. I’ll help you fill out an application so you can be on a reality TV show and scare the potential husband. You know you’re going to be too much for him.” I sat with her, the cats jumped up on the bed to help, and we filled out answers to different questions, discussing each one in depth as if we were planning a secret mission. Her answers were outlandish and wild, because she had to “express myself fully.”
The doorbell rang at eight, and I headed downstairs. It was Jaxi, Helena, and Collins.
“Let’s go, Bellini,” Jaxi commanded. “We’re going to the Christmas tree lighting, and you’re coming with us, you shy elf.”
“No excuses!” Helena insisted. “La-la-la. My singing voice is ready.”
“Grab a bra and your coat!” Jaxi said. “Grab your Christmas courage!”
“No. Thank you,” I said. “Gee whiz. Cats and curses. Dogs and demons. I can’t go.”
“For heaven’s sake,” Collins said. “I don’t know about cats and curses and dogs and demons, but you need to get your little red-haired elf self into the Christmas spirit. We know you don’t like Christmas, and we’re ignoring it. The Christmas spirit wants you to open and inhale.” She mimed opening up and inhaling.
“I am not going to inhale the Christmas spirit. That sounds like cannibalism. I smell like the bar. I smell like a hamburger. I smell like beer and wine and olives.”
“You’re going. And by the way, the Christmas spirit is not a body, so what you’re doing is not cannibalism,” Jaxi said, trying to sound wise. She mimed inhaling, too. Aren’t we funny?
“Logan is going to be there,” Collins said. “Beck and Colt told me. That’s why Jaxi told you to get your Christmas courage.They said they were going to force him to go. He hasn’t gone in years.”
I froze.
“Yes, indeedy,” Helena said. She snapped her fingers as if impressed with her own original thoughts. “I don’t know if Logan will have the Christmas spirit within him, but if he does, maybe you can eat Logan.”
I couldn’t unfreeze myself as I thought this through.
“I don’tthinkI’m going to eat Logan,” I said, very seriously, although I didn’t mean to sound so serious.
Jaxi, Helena, and Collins bent over double with laughter.
“Maybe we should bring ketchup,” Helena said.
“Or relish,” Collins offered.
I shook my head. “I didn’t mean I was going to eat him.”
“Sounds delicious,” Helena said.
“Get dressed and hurry up, Bellini!” they said, then pounded up the stairs to sit with my mother on her bed to talk and gossip.
I paused for a wee second. Should I go? Should I not?
I should stay home and finish my mother’sMarry Meapplication with her.
I should go and sneak peeks at Logan.
I should stay with my cats and meow back at them.
I should go and spy on Logan!
I envisioned him near the tree, lights shining down on the hard angles of his face, unshaved jaw, and… That did it.
