I worked about eight hours, straight through, serving drinks, delivering food, taking orders, catching up on the books, working on schedules for the many employees, and talking to customers. The building itself is large and rambling, tables lined up, pool tables busy, the scent of beer, steaks, and fries in the air.
Finally, I remembered that I needed to get things rolling for the fundraiser for the children of Kalulell. I headed to my mother’s office at the back of the building and shut the door, blocking out a mix of country and Christmas music.
Her office is large and bright and light because of two big windows that she had installed. “I cannot work in a cave as I am not a cavewoman,” she’d said. “Although I do think I would have wielded a club with ferocity.”
A white desk and a plush white couch piled with colorful embroidered pillows take up most of the room. Light yellow paint gives it a cheery air. Two bookshelves are tastefully decorated with plants, photographs, Bohemian/Montana/flowery art, and books. Every Roxy Belle book I’ve ever written is lined up on its own shelf, just like at her house. “I need your books around me at work and home, sweetie pie,” she’d told me.
A giant blue ceramic cowgirl boot hangs on the far wall. A long rack underneath holds some of my mother’s “work” outfits, filled with sequins and sparkles, boas and ruffles, swirling skirts, and fancy cowgirl boots. A lacy red bra hangs in a corner from the ceiling to remind her to “love her body as it is.” Her office could not be more different than the bar, as it’s an oasis of peace and prettiness.
I sank into her chair for a few minutes and tried to breathe. I was already exhausted. When I could think again, I wrote an email. I had strict instructions from my mother on what to put in it.
Hello, everyone,
Merry Christmas!
As usual, we will be having our annual Lady Whiskey’s Christmas show on December 20 at six p.m. My mother, as most of you know, will not be in charge this year.
She wanted me to tell you that Dr. Brenda stole her uterus, with her permission, and she is at home resting and getting caught up on her favorite reality TV shows. She recently sawMarry Me,the dating show for older folks. The groom and his new bride are seventy years old. She has asked me to ask you to nominate her to be on the show as a bridal contestant, as she says she wants to find a husband. The link is at the bottom of this email.
In other news, Mom has named this year’s fundraiser “Lady Whiskey’s T and A Christmas Burlesque Show.” Don’t jump to conclusions! The T stands fortinsel, and the A stands forAllI want for Christmas Is Santa.
This year, my mother’s wish is that we have a burlesque show. I have attached photos of people in burlesque outfits. As you can see, there are a lot of feathered boas, colorful makeup, flashy and shiny outfits, knee-high boots, foot-tall headdresses, sequins and glitter, etc.
Please let me know if you would like to participate. If so, I need the names of the people who are performing, what you’re going to do, and the name of your act. For example, if you are going to form a band and play a Christmas rock song in burlesque costumes wearing elf ears, you might call yourself “The Excellent Rockin’ Elf Show.”
Remember: This is a FAMILY EVENT. There will be children present, so keep it VERY clean and try to put a little Christmas in your performances.
Tickets will be sold here at Lady Whiskey’s. All profits will go to buy the children of Kalulell toys and gifts so everyone can have a happy Christmas.
This is, as always, a potluck. Please bring your favorite dinner dish. Lady Whiskey’s will be providing wine/beer/lemonade and desserts made by the Bommarito sisters in Trillium River. We will also be giving everyone a small bag of Julia’s Chocolates. We have hired Grenadine Scotch Wild to make a painting/collage of the town of Kalulell. We will be auctioning it off for the kids, so bring those checkbooks!
Please make sure that your children do not drink wine/beer at the Christmas show. Last year, a four-year-old got ahold of a beer. His mother said he had a terrible hangover the next morning. Let’s keep the kids safe!
Also, many of the children of Kalulell need new coats, mittens, hats, and scarves. Please bring them into the bar. There will be a huge box right at the entrance. You get a free beer for each new coat. Let’s keep our kids warm and happy this winter!
Thanks, everyone! Come on in and visit us at Lady Whiskey’s anytime.
Merry, Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays to all!
Yours sincerely,
Bellini O’Donnell
And, of course, Lady Whiskey wanted me to remind you all to, “Kick some merry-making a**.” Here’s the link for theMarry Meshow. Don’t forget to nominate Whiskey!
My cats were clearly enjoying their time with their grandmother, Nana Whiskey, when I arrived that night. I called for them when I got home. They came running, and I made a big fuss while they meowed and circled my legs. I checked on my mother upstairs. She was doing well and enjoyed “catching up on reality shows that I have not had time to watch due to the real-life reality of my busy schedule.”
“And you still want your own reality to include going onMarry Me,” I said.
“Yes. If that Ruthie Deschutes O’Hara can do it, so can I. I’m going to meet my man on that show. He’ll appreciate my curvy physique, my five feet, eleven inches of pure love, and my gentle, obedient, subservient personality.”
Oh, how we laughed at that one. My mother was about as likely to be “obedient and subservient” to a man as she was to turn herself into one of Santa’s reindeer.
“I think people will nominate you,” I said.
“They already have. They’ve texted me, too. Once the producers find out I own a bar named Lady Whiskey’s, I think I’m in.” She winked at me. “I have to recover my moxie and fire-breathing ways first.”
“Seriously, how are you, Mom?”
