“Like all those times we’d stay up through the night talking absolute rubbish.”
“We kept each other awake because we had to,” I reply. “Those creeps Mom brought home were always losing their way to the bathroom.”
“Remember that time I stuck my finger down my throat to make myself puke? It was the only way to get that one guy to leave our room.”
I surprise myself by laughing. “I forgot about that.”
“I didn’t. It was one of my favorite anecdotes about ourwonderfulchildhood,” she says. “Then there was that time you climbed down the drainpipe so you could steal food from the kitchen while I distracted Mom.”
“Now, I do remember that. I fell when the drainpipe gave way, and I still have the scar on my elbow to prove it,” I reply. “It’s weird how I look back at that as a fond memory when our situation was pretty horrific when youthink about it.”
“Could it be that it wasn’t the neglect that molded us, but the way we survived it? Together.”
I bring my knees up, not getting them as close to my chest as usual now that I have my little baby bump. “That’s what I’m going to miss most of all, Blake. We helped each other figure out all of life’s challenges. Or we did until you met Ilya.” I take a deep inhale and release it. “I’m so sorry.”
“Why are you sorry?” she prompts.
My jaw tenses. I’ve talked to Reid about my feelings, but this last confession is one I’ve been too afraid to voice to anyone.
“What if I’d never meddled in your relationship? If you hadn’t tried to leave, things could be so different now. I’m not saying there was ever a chance Ilya wouldn’t have exploited you. It was inevitable that he’d end up selling you on, or forcing you to work for him, but there’s a chance you’d still…” I squeeze my eyes shut. “You’d still be alive.”
“That might be true,” she concedes, “but no matter how many iterations you play out of my time with Ilya, do you honestly think there’s a single version where you would have stepped back and watched him slowly destroy me?”
I shake my head from side to side My shoulders start to shake. “No.”
“The last time wereallytalked, we were both ready to take on the fight,” Blake says. “You made me see what was truly important to me. You reminded me of the dreams I’d been aiming for, and most importantly, you made me believe in myself again. If there had to be a final memory, is it such a bad one?”
“Better than the fight I thought we had, but didn’t,” I admit.
“Exactly.”
I manage to lift my head again. I go to speak, but all I manage is a stifled sob.
“Oh, Jade,” my sister says, and it is her. I’ve taken the leap and it’s Blake on the other end of the line. I cling to her every word. “You know there’s nothing I can say that’s going to stop you beating yourself up over this. The healing has to come from within. Only you can forgive yourself.”
“I know I keep saying it, but I miss you so much. It was torture not knowing where you were, or how you were being treated. I never felt so alone.”
“And now?”
“Now I’m living in a house with the craziest family. And it’s the kind of crazy you would have loved.”
I sniff back my tears and glance to where Reid stands, watching me. He has one arm across his chest, using it as a prop to rest his elbow. His chin is in his hand. I want to kiss away the lines of worry creasing his brow.
“And I’m in love with the most amazing man,” I add. “I love him so much, Blake. I knew from the first moment I met him, if only because he made me so damn mad.”
“Are you going to marry him?”
“Oh, absolutely. And he’s making it so obvious that he’s trying to pick the perfect moment to ask me,” I tell her as my stomach flutters with nerves. “He hasn’t figured out yet that perfect doesn’t matter. It’s the moments that are blissfully unremarkable that we’ll look back on and treasure. All those times when just enough was all we needed.” I’d relive any ordinary day with Blake if I could.
“You sound happy,” Blake says.
“I am,” I admit. “Or I would be if only I’d let myself.”
“For fuck’s sake, Jade! Stop torturing yourself. Go and enjoy life!”
The sharp response makes me laugh. It’s typical Blake. “There’s something else I need to tell you first.” I chew my lip. “I’m going to have a baby.”
“So I’ve heard,” she says with a soft chuckle, and I’m grateful there isn’t some feigned surprise. “Do you know what you’re having?”
