“About?” I knew the answer before I asked but it was habit at this point to just not let people know what I knew immediately.
“Your engagement.”
“Alright? And?”
Knight exhaled and shifted in his seat.
“Look, I don’t care who you love or fuck. You’re my baby brother and I love you anyway.”
I swallowed and nodded. “Alright.”
“Bishop,” he said my name and I hit my cigarette before I looked at him. “King said you may need to hear that shit and I want to make it so that you don’t need to hear it again. You’re a Barron and that’s not dependent on fucking women and making heirs. You good just as you are. Don’t doubt that shit. Ever. Nigga, you think we didn’t know how you got down this whole time?”
“It wasn’t well hidden, but,” I shrugged. “Everybody was acting like it was this big ass family secret so I just figured y’all were ashamed.”
The confession burned coming out and I cleared my throat uncomfortably but Knight remained where he was, unmoving and serious.
“I can’t speak for nobody but me and I didn’t bring shit up because you were all secretive and sneaking around dark corners and shit like you didn’t want it out there.” He shrugged. “I respected how you moved and figured if you wanted it out, you’d put it out. It wasn’t because I was ashamed because ultimately I don’t give a fuck who you fuck, Bishop. That ain’t got shit to dowith me or King or our parents and it don’t change who you are or the brother you’ve been to me.” He hit me on the back and exhaled. “When you and Rook were born King and I knew we’d protect and defend y’all until our dying breath. We meant that shit, even if it’s against each other. King is happy. I’m happy. You deserve to be happy and times aren’t what they used to be. Shit, look at my situation.”
He chuckled and squeezed my shoulder and I looked off and took a puff of my cigarette.
“Yeah, alright.”
“I want you to look me in my face, hear me and understand me, B.” Knight paused until I looked over at him. He locked eyes with me. “Rook ain’t the only Barron that got you. Me and King got you.” He waited a beat while it sank in.
I tried to force spit down my dry throat and nodded.
“I know.”
“You ain’t got to be so damn strong and aloof all the damn time, kid.”
I didn’t realize how deep that shit cut until he said it. I clenched my jaw and chose my next words carefully.
“As the head of our family's security, actually, I do.” I looked away from him, took another puff of my cigarette and blew the smoke away from us.
“Is that what this is?” Knight nudged me. “Huh? You think we expect you to be perfect because you head our security?”
“What happens if I’m not?”
“You fuck up and we deal with it.”
“If I fuck up, somebody in our family could be fucking dead, Knight.” I looked at him. “You and Casmi and Nova depend on me. King and Xavia and our parents all fucking depend on me keeping them safe. There’s no room for error when it comes to y’all’s lives.”
“No matter how good you are at your job, you’re not perfect. You’ll never be perfect. Nobody is and you can’t protect everybody all on your own. That’s why you have Hawk and Wes and us. You’re part of a team.”
“It’s easy to say that but anything that goes wrong falls on me.”
“You think me and Rook and King gon’ let some shit fall on you that we know is too heavy for you to catch on your own?” He paused. “You’re not an employee, Bishop. You’re family. Don’t ever forget that.” He gave me a small smile. “You mean more to us than your job description and you need to know that.” He cleared his throat. “I love you, kid.” He nudged me again and repeated himself. “LGB, ABC, and all them other letters and shit aside, I love you.”
I nodded at that.
I wasn’t sure of a time Knight and I had ever had a conversation like this. I mean, I knew he loved me like any brother did and that I could call on him if I needed some serious help but this shit wasn’t that. This was reassurance and vulnerability we, as brothers, didn’t exhibit often and that paired with the fact I was realizing how much weight I put on my job to the family had me tearing up a little bit.
I knew I was my own person with my own thoughts. I was the man Asante had fallen in love with… but I also knew I threw myself into my job hard for my family’s approval, trying to make sure I was such a big part of the business they wouldn’t be able to justify getting rid of me if I shamed them and sullied our name.
When I was with my family, my job was the central part of my personality. It was the wall I hid behind, always stoic and logical.
I had anger that matched Rook’s but I never acted on it, never wanted to add on to the long list of sins I felt I committed against our father’s legacy.
