It was a test to see if I could find a glimpse of the old Elijah. To see if he was truly gone for good. When I heard the front door open, I put on my best welcoming smile. “Hi babe, I’m in here,” I yelled as I pulled the lid off the fried chicken.
Elijah walked into the kitchen, and it shocked me at how exhausted he looked. Blueish-gray bags lined his under-eye that hadn’t been there a few days ago.
Was I a bad girlfriend for not realizing how overworked and upset he was?
He kissed me on the side of my head. “Hey. Something smells good.”
“Thank you. Go have a seat, and I’ll get your plate for you.”
“Thanks.”
Using the tongs, I pulled the chicken onto our plates alongside the baked broccoli and garlic potato wedges.
“How did everything go on your end today? It’s weird. After I stopped by your office, I didn’t talk to you for the restof the day.” I set the food down, then grabbed the bottle of wine and poured some into the two stemless glasses I’d set out.
“Fine. So far, so good. The inspector hasn’t found anything out of the ordinary yet.” He let out a long sigh. “It’s been grueling. My parents are on edge. They want it all to go smoothly.”
“I bet. It’s important.” I sat, picked up my fork, and waited for Elijah to do the same.
He looked down at the plate and back up at me. “Thanks for cooking tonight.” But he didn’t pick up his fork and start eating.
“Of course. I wanted to make your favorite.”
Why was our conversation so formal? So impersonal. It took actual work to talk to him right now.
“Thanks. I’m not really that hungry. You know, long day and all.”
At least he picked up his fork now, but the way he pushed the food around reminded me of a four-year-old trying to make more space on their plate so it looked like they’d eaten enough so they could get down from the table.
I scratched the back of my neck and pursed my lips. “Well. Don’t eat if you’re not hungry.”
“I’m sorry, Cadence. Plus, you know I prefer my potatoes mashed, not baked.”
And there it was.
Pain shot through my stomach, knocking the wind out of me. I’d worked hard to make a meal I knew he’d like, but it still wasn’t good enough.
Would it ever be?
There would always be something to improve on, something I needed to change.
It hurt.
As I tried to bring more air into my lungs, Elijah stood fromthe table. “I’m going to jump in the shower and lay down. I’m exhausted.”
I only nodded. The ball lodged in my throat kept me from making any noises that would resemble a response.
I watched as he retreated up the stairs, absolutely oblivious to how much he’d hurt me. I only wanted to bring him joy and make him smile. To see my Elijah once again.
I pushed my plate away. My appetite long gone.
At least I’d have enough leftovers for lunch tomorrow. It was some kind of silver lining, I guess.
I grabbed my glass of wine and finished it in one swig before standing from the table and grabbing both plates of the untouched food.
I threw them into glass containers and set the plates in the sink. I’d deal with them tomorrow. I didn’t have the mental capacity to do it right now.
I made my way upstairs as I heard the shower turn off.
