After all, taking the top off was the whole point of owning a Jeep Wrangler.
Enjoying the sun warming my skin, I pulled out of our driveway with no destination in mind.
Saturday morning at the end of summer meant Folly Beach and Folly Rd would be jam-packed. So, I headed in the opposite direction down Bohicket Rd toward Kiawah Island.
This part of Charleston wasn’t as busy, and old tall treessurrounded the double-lane road. I’d driven down this way by accident when we’d first moved to John’s Island, but now it was my go-to when I needed to clear my head. Down this road, no one was in a rush. Everyone seemed more interested in taking in the atmosphere.
My mind wandered easily as I listened to the velvety smooth tones of Damien’s voice.
I was having trouble looking at myself and understanding why I thought I was happy. Could the fact that I loved Elijah excuse the truth that he continued to treat me worse and worse?
Would this really be how the rest of my life went? Bending over backward for his parents and hoping they would finally accept me? Stuck in this state of complacency, too afraid to make ripples in the pond, but not experiencing the true happiness this world offered.
An image of Damien on stage with that twinkle in his eyes flashed in my mind. Nothing held him back from living his life to the fullest… and I wanted to be like that, too.
I kept driving until I reached the gate that allowed you to drive into Kiawah and turned around. This time, I drove straight to Jade’s.
My phone rang over the speakers of the Jeep.
“Hello?” I asked.
“Hey, girl. What are you doing?”
“Blake! Oh my God! How are you?”
Blakely Mason was my best friend from childhood. She and I had become fast friends in middle school and were inseparable until I left for college.
“Just checking in. You’ve been quiet recently.”
“Sorry.” I honestly didn’t have an excuse, either. I got that way every now and then. Withdrawing from everyone when being social became more of a chore than anything else.
“Please. Don’t apologize. I know how you get.”
“Only because you get the same way.”
“Exactly. So here I am, checking in on my BFF.”
“Honestly, you kinda caught me in the middle of a come-to-Jesus moment. I think I’m changing. I don’t recognize myself anymore and I don’t know what I need.”
“Well. Damn. I wasn’t exactly expecting all that.”
I sighed. “Just ignore me. I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore.”
“Do you want to talk about it? We can flesh this out. You don’t have to do it alone.”
Did I want to talk about it? Not really. Not with anyone. At least not yet. I didn’t want to lay everything out there let alone think about it.
I shook my head, even though she couldn’t see it. “It’s okay. I’m just in a weird place, I think. It will pass. It always does.”
At least, it normally did. Before, when I’d get anxious about things, I eventually straightened myself out. I rediscovered my love of life and saw Elijah for the partner he was. The person who helped nurse me back to health when I’d caught a cold, who wanted to work hard and give me anything my heart desired, and who promised to love me for the rest of my life. But now, with Damien in the back of mind, he made me wonder… was I settling into monotony?
“Enough about me,” I said. “How are you? How is Dean? Has he heard from Noah recently?”
“Fine, fine. Everything is exactly the same as it always is here. Nothing changes, and I’m grateful. There are no surprises around the corner. Dean and I talked about getting a place together, but I had to tell him I wasn’t ready. So, he was pretty upset about that for a while. And actually, Noah deployed… again. Somewhere in the Middle East. I swear, I don’t know how he and …” The words died on her lips.
I recognized where her thoughts were going.He and Jamie. Jamie MacIntyre was the guy who trampled all over her heart—so we hated his guts. They were both combat controllers in the United States Air Force and they were away from home a lot.
“I’d hate to not sleep in my own bed for so long.”
