And when the realization had dawned on me that I had been the one to invest all the time and energy into whatever we were, my heart had truly ached.
I’d nursed my broken heart over a bottle of vodka and reruns of Grey’s Anatomy.
Somehow, I’d gotten it into my head that we had something, some unspoken connection that we both sensed and couldn’t avoid. But it had always been me who attempted to see him and me who sacrificed to have him in my life.
So, was I a fool for imagining that Damien considered me more than just some fan?
He told me countless times he thought I was beautiful, and he was clearly attracted to me, but I had a hard time seeing if it went deeper than that.
The time we shared together in Los Angeles was becoming nothing more than hazy recollections. Everything I thought he felt was morphing into something else entirely. Had we really had those unguarded moments? Did he really say what we had scared him? Or was I making it all up? I couldn’t trust my memories anymore.
Was it possible that this had been his plan all along? To string me along? I’d been so caught up in how lucky I was someone like him noticed me. He coaxed me into believing I was special, but never actually admitted as much.
Honestly, I felt tricked by him.
When I flew to Los Angeles, I did it because I thought we could pursue that electrical connection we had. But in reality, all he felt for me was the same lust everyone else experienced.
Once again, I found my worth measured by what people saw on the outside.
I was nothing more than a piece of ass for guys to ogle and fuck.
I knew I was worth more than a few messages and calls.
But somehow with Damien, I’d forgotten myself.
I’d forgotten my worth.
Again.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Cadence
Winter
“Are you fucking kidding me?!” I yelled into the empty air.
Every single time I sat down to put my anger and frustrations into lyrics, it somehow turned into a Goddamn love song.
I mean, come on.
Make it make sense.
I looked down at the completed ballad, which was totally badass, but since my muse was nothing more than a selfish, cruel bastard, I felt pissed off instead of proud.
Gritting my teeth together, I tried to shake the heaviness I’d carried consistently in my gut these last few months.
I needed something.
I needed closure.
Everything with Damien seemed unfinished.
I couldn’t move on until I closed the door on him, and made it clear there would be no going back.
Yeah, that had to be it. I just need closure.
I set down my guitar and picked up my cell phone. It was 9pm, and Jade had locked herself in her room, so she was nowhere near to tell me not to do this.
