He pushed a stray hair from my forehead, and his gaze caressed my face. “It scares me. How much I crave your touch. I don’t want to need anyone. Not after what happened before. But I can’t seem to stop myself.”
We were silent for a moment before I mustered the courage to ask what I’d been thinking for a while now.
“Damien… what happened… before?”
He sighed and rolled off onto his back, taking a moment to gather his thoughts. “I have a hard time trusting people. A hard time letting people in. Someone usually wants something from me that I can’t give them, which somehow makes me the bad person. You wouldn’t believe the number of old acquaintances who try to get free stuff from me.”
I turned to face him, pulled my dress down a little, and tucked one arm under my head. I reached out and placed my hand on his forearm. I wanted him to know he could speak his truth, that this was a safe place. I’d always keep his secrets locked away inside my heart.
He turned his head toward me with a sigh. “I’ve been doing this for close to eight years now. It took a lot of blood, sweat, and tears to get where we are today with the band. This is a passion project for all of us, and we used to keep full-time jobs on the side to make ends meet. We are lucky that now that we can tour and live off the money we make as a band, but it wasn’t always like that.
“I met Vanessa around the four-year anniversary of starting our band. She said she’d been a fan from the beginning, and we hit it off almost instantly. I fell for her hard and fast.”
Damien paused as he swallowed.
Vanessa was the name I’d seen online. I was starting to connect the dots.
“But as things changed, our relationship became toxic. We’d never officially lived together, but she would come up from Tennessee and stay with me when I wasn’t touring. Back then, I didn’t make the money I do now, and I worked a 9-5. She grew restless and depressed. Then started drinking and got into drugs. I thought I could save her, so I kept trying. I didn’t understand what she wanted, and as time passed, she grew aggressive. Telling me she knew I cheated on her, but it was okay because she cheated on me, too. But I never did. I lovedher. More than I should have, and it killed me to watch her suffer. But on our final night together, she attacked me. Came at me swinging a knife, claiming if she couldn’t have me, no one else could.” Damien ran his hand over his face. “She wanted to kill me. In her insanity, she thought that was the right choice. But…”
My pulse quickened, and a dull roar began in my ears.How could she seriously want to kill him?
I waited for his words to continue, but it seemed Damien wasn’t eager to finish.His fingers drummed on his chest in agitation.
“It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me. But no matter what it is, I understand. I won’t judge you for it.”
He pushed out a breath. “I’d grabbed her wrists and tried to pry her hand open and make her drop the knife. But I couldn’t believe how strong she’d become in her conviction. I never meant to leave marks on her. And when I did finally get the knife out of her hand, I’d shoved her away, knocking her to the ground. I’ll never forget the look of fear in her eyes as I stood over her, holding that chief’s knife. Like I’d been the one to push us to this point. I’ll also never forget the betrayal I felt when she told the cops I’d tried to kill her.”
I flinched at his words. “Uh. What?”
“Yep. Small-town America. One of my neighbors heard yelling and called the cops. I was never good at remembering to lock the door behind me, so they opened it as I stood over her. Funny, huh? Then, when she confirmed their beliefs and had the red marks to prove my abuse, they arrested me for domestic violence. The system doesn’t give wiggle room to men. So even though it was her word against mine, I was taken in. Because who would believe a small woman could force a grown-ass man like me against a wall?”
I pursed my lips, processing the words Damien spoke.Trying to see it all unfolding before me. “What happened next?”
“I spent the following two nights in jail. I contacted my lawyer, and he got me out on bail until our court date.”
“It went to court?”
He nodded, “But she didn’t have much to go on. She had no other evidence that I abused her. I’d hired the best lawyer I knew, Gabriel Collins. He took character witnesses from our neighbors, who verified that I had always been on my best behavior and she was a little on the crazy side. I’d filed a restraining order against her, which also helped my case. Gabe got all charges dropped, and I walked away a free man.”
“But…” I prompted.
He made a noise, close to a laugh, but there was zero laughter behind it. “It did a pretty good job ensuring I stopped dating. And I was lucky, for the band’s sake, that Rebel Rebellion wasn’t big enough that it affected them.”
My heart ached for him as I imagined the betrayal and hurt he had endured. I swallowed the lump in my throat. It made sense, the way he treated me in the beginning. I understood why he kept the steel wall around himself.
But I couldn’t deny that I wanted to take a bulldozer to that wall and have him let me in.
He rolled toward me, resting on his arm, and ran his fingers along my jaw. “Which is why this scares me so much.”
“I’m sorry.”
Tilting his head, he asked. “Why?”
“For making things hard for you.”
He smiled, big and genuine and beautiful. “And that’s why it has to be you.”
“Wha—”
