“She? Who was it?”
My good leg bounces under the table. “A friend of Caleb and Beth’s.”
“What was she doing in the car with you?”
Tuck’s form turns blurred as my emotions threaten to take over. I blink my eyes, trying to regain control.
“Coming home with me.”
Tuck scratches his head, his face wearing a kaleidoscope of thoughts as he sifts through them. “So, was this like a one-time thing? You don’t really take people back to your place, though. I mean, not women. Was this woman… different?”
“Different is one way to describe her.”
“Is she blaming you for the accident?” Tuck asks, trying to understand the situation.
“Of course not!”
“Mate. You’re gonna have to fill some blanks in for me, cos I’m fucking confused with what the problem is here.”
“What if she was hurt?” I say with my jaw clenched.
“You just said she wasn’t.”
“I could have lost another person.” My frustration is rising, bubbling under the surface.
“But you didn’t.”
“I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I hurt her. I can’t lose her!” I yell as my fists slam against the table.
“Well then, you best pull your finger out of your arse, you dickhead, and tell her that.”
I collapse back in the chair. “She’s too good for me, Tuck. You should see her. Hear her. God, she lights up my goddamn world.”
“I don’t know where you get this notion that you aren’t someone worthy of love and good things. But I’d bet money, this woman has seen all the good in you that you’re too blind to see in yourself. Yes, you’ve made mistakes. We all have. We learn from them, but that doesn’t mean we have to keep paying for them for the rest of our lives. You gotta forgive yourself. August would have. And if this woman means so much to you, if she’s so amazing, are you really gonna let some other guy swoop in and take her? That, to me, sounds like something you might end up hating yourself for more than the remote possibility that you could hurt her. You gotta decide, are you gonna keep punishing yourself for a past you can’t change, or welcome a future full of endless possibilities? Grief is not a bad thing. If you can feel grief, that means you’ve known love. When have you ever regretted love?”
I wipe the back of my hand under my nose, sniffing away the emotions Tuck’s words force me to accept.
I don’t want to feel like I owe my life to compensating for my mistakes. Contradicting my flaws with good deeds so I don’t have to feel like I’ve earned the bare minimum. The last few months since I’ve known Isabelle have been weightless. Invigorating. My formerly untouched heart has been embraced with a tenderness that comforts my soul. It gives me peace and safety. She gives me that. And I want to give her everything.
My phone lights up where it’s sitting on the desk, showing me a preview of yet another message from Isabelle.
BUTTERCUP:
Caleb said to give you time. Whenever you’re ready, I’m here. Always, Grim. Your Buttercup xo
“I’ve got some time before my next client. If you need a different chair to think in,” Tuck says gently.
I got all my ink after August’s death. When I met Tuck, he was already quite covered. Said the sound of the gun, and the buzz on his skin felt therapeutic. So I gave it a try. The only place I’m notcovered is my heart. Never knew what I wanted to put there, if anything felt deserving of the place.
“Yeah. I’ve got something in mind.”
Chapter thirty-one
“Would you like a cup of tea, dear?” Mum murmurs from her place beside me at the table. “You’ve barely touched your breakfast.”
I continue pushing the scrambled eggs around my plate, unable to find the interest to eat anything.
With a sigh, I drop my fork. “Yeah, I might go make one.” I push up from my chair. “Does anyone want a cuppa?”
