August was never one for relationships. He was a charismatic guy who loved to meet people, but in his short life, he never had anyone who was just for him.
“I always imagined he’d meet someone on vacation. He’d be partying it up in Tokyo or Budapest or something and meet someone as impulsive and full of life as him,” I say.
“That’s a nice thought.” I can feel her cheeks move against my arm in a smile.
“Then he’d tell me to get my head out of my arse and meet a good woman myself.”
“Have you met someone?” Evelyn pulls her head off my arm, looking at me intently.
I chew my lip, thinking of Isabelle with a noncommittal hum.
“Gage! Tell me.” She shakes my arm with a chuckle.
“It’s nothing.” I shrug. “Just someone working on the new bar.”
“And? You’ve been on a date?”
“What? No!”
Her face falls. “Why the hell not?”
I run a hand through my hair and clutch the back of my neck, squeezing. “She works with my brother. She’s working on Smoke and Barrel.”
“So?”
“And she’s good friends with Beth.”
“You’re making excuses, Gage.”
I blow out a breath, my eyes locking on the name in front of me. If August were here, I would confide in him. If he were here, I also wouldn’t have such debilitating feelings of inadequacy.
The way I failed him, killed him, only serves as a reminder that I don’t deserve the happiness I robbed him of.
“She can do better than me.”
“Gage.” Evelyn sighs. “I don’t know why you think anyone would feel unlucky to have you as a partner.” Her hand squeezesmy bicep. “You’re hardworking, you value family, you’re kind and polite. You’d be a wonderful provider and protector.”
I scoff. “Protector. Sure.”
“Gage.” Her soft words turn stern. “You do protect people. August died in an accident, one that wasn’t your fault.”
A tear runs down my cheek, turning cold in the breeze. “I was behind the wheel.”
“And if it were the reverse situation, how mad would you be if August still carried guilt ten years later? What would you want him to be doing with his life?”
I wouldn’t want him to have lost that zest for life that made me love him. I would hope he still found time to laugh, be daring, adventurous.
“I don’t know how to let people in, Evelyn,” I whisper.
“So why is this the first time you’re questioning it? You’re feeling guilty for wanting more because August isn’t here to experience the same things? If he were here, he’d be telling you to go for it.”
“She would still deserve someone better than me. You should see her, so beautiful and sweet. She’s so full of life.”
“Sounds like the exact kind of person you need.”
“When she looks at me, sometimes I feel like a person she could need.”
A grin slowly breaks out across Evelyn’s face, before she looks back at the headstone and tilts her chin at my friend’s marker. “I think you’re right, he’d tell you to pull your head out of your arse.”
