“Oh, sweetheart.” I feel her body shift along mine as she joins me on the floor and guides my head to her shoulder. “Don’t be scared.”
“But, I am, Mum. I’m terrified. Any moment could be the last. I didn’t save August, and it’s been so hard to move on without him. His life stopped while mine kept going, and I didn’t know how to keep going without feeling so guilty that he didn’t have that same chance. Then, I found Isabelle, and everything changed. For the first time, I didn’t want to be stuck. It was as if the last ten years were night.” I pause for a moment, sniffing as my mind casts meback to the sleepless nights I used to have, where I’d lie awake, or sit out on my porch, watching the lights of the city. “Those hours where everything is dark, but you know the sun is coming. That murky kind of sky where you can see silhouettes but no features. You’d be able to find your way, but you can’t see the full picture. Isabelle is my sun. She lights upeverything. I don’t want to go back to the dark, but life hasn’t been fair. What if something takes her? My daughter? How do I be strong for her, when I’ve done such a shit job at being strong for myself?”
“What are you talking about?” Dad asks, his eyes stern. “You think everything you’ve done in the last ten years, to be standing here today, was you being weak? Jesus, Gage, you lost your best friend in an awful accident, one that wasn’t remotely your fault, and since then, you’ve looked after his mum and sister, you volunteer, you donate to countless charities, you take yourself to therapy every week. You are someone who is so damn loyal, and generous, and protective of your family and so many of those around you. To stand here, as your father, and wonder if I should have done more for you, when I’m so proud of everything you’ve done for yourself, it breaks my heart.”
My fingers rub together where they’re crossed. Being vulnerable is not something I’m comfortable with. Even before the accident, I was a quiet kid and kept mostly to myself. My family has never pushed me to break away from the reclusive way I favoured. I’ve realised, keeping them sheltered from the full weight of my emotions, my fears and doubts, has also meant they only got to love part of me, but in return I got all of them.
“It’s not easy being the person who shelters others from their own storm,” Joe says, squeezing his wife to him. “Not because there isn’t anything you wouldn’t do for them, but because it can physically hurt you to not be able to take away every single ounce of burden they feel. But if you give someone your love, just knowing they have that there, waiting for them, sometimesthat’s all they need to know that no matter what they go through, they’re not alone.”
Jennie wraps her arms around her husband’s middle, her eyes glossy and the tip of her nose pink.
Beth kneels down in front of me, laying her hand on mine. I can see the four dots of our matching sibling tattoo running down her wrist, where it peeks out from the sleeve of her jumper. “You’ve always got us, Gage.”
Mason crouches behind her, leaning his arm around to put his hand over our joined ones, then Caleb does the same.
I stare at my brothers and sister, willing my heart to calm down as the weight of their touch penetrates my skin. I let their love, their faith in me, seep through to my bones. I let myself see the sincerity in their eyes, their offer of fortitude. I twist my wrist, letting my fingers wrap around Beth’s, and squeeze, as if I’m holding on to that feeling.
Closing my eyes, I slowly draw in breath, holding it in my chest before releasing it. Then I do it again, and again, until the air feels lighter and my shoulders drop the tension they were carrying.
“Gage.” The door beside us opens, and Shanna pops her head out. “She’s asking for you.”
I give her a firm nod, then turn back to my family. Mum presses a long kiss to my cheek. Mason and Caleb pull me up from the floor with slaps on my back. I hug my dad and tell him I love him. I shake Joe’s hand.
Pausing at the threshold, I brace my hands on the doorframe, my mind drifting to August.I’m gonna give you something worth watching, brother.
***
She’s perfect. I can’t stop staring at her. A yellow blanket is draped over her back, her chest pressed to mine, and her head rests where her mother’s name is inked over my heart. I smile down at my daughter before looking up at Isabelle, watching us from her hospital bed.
She did amazing, my wife. It was almost two hours after her epidural that she was fully dilated and ready to push. Briony Beth was born forty-five minutes later, entering the world with me already wrapped around her finger.
“How you doing, Buttercup?” I murmur, not wanting to disrupt my sleeping daughter.
Isabelle smiles sweetly at me. “Happiest day of my life.”
I reach a hand out, laying it on the edge of her bed, and she rubs her thumb over my palm.
“Do you think we’ve made them wait long enough?” she asks.
I look up at the clock on the wall. It’s been half an hour since our BB was born. Our families no doubt saw the influx of doctors and nurses leave our room, guessing that our daughter was born. Shanna said she’d hold them off until we were ready.
“Yeah.” I nod. “You got the button?”
Isabelle bites down on her grin as she reaches the call button on the side table, hitting it twice. That was the signal Shanna told us to give her when we were ready.
It’s not even a full minute later when the door opens, Beth pushing through first. She, Mum, and Grams all come to me, while Caleb, Lex, Joe, and Jennie beeline for Isabelle.
“Oh my god, look at her.” Beth holds her hands to her mouth in awe as she stares down at her niece.
“Congratulations, you two,” Dad says. He kisses Isabelle’s cheek before rounding my chair and standing at my back.
“Hey, Gramps.” I grin up at him, and he winces.
“That’s gonna take a while to get used to.”
“I think you’re one mighty, fine-looking granddaddy.” Mum winks, making Beth turn down her mouth in a grimace.
“Well, that’s gross,” Mason says, wondering closer to our group. “So, what’s our girl’s name?”
