Joel had never laughed with me until it hurt.
Joel had never fought for me, neverchosenme, never even tried.
But Ansel had.
Ansel had made me feel seen, wanted, loved — everything Joel had convinced me I was too much or too little for.
And now, because I’d stood there silent while he told me he loved me, I’d proved Joel right, anyway. Too much and not enough, all at once.
CHAPTER 45
Ididn’t regret saying it — I’dneverregret telling her how I felt.
What I regretted, though, was walking away.
The look on her face — God, it was burned into my skull. Like she wanted to speak but couldn’t. Like she was already mourning something she hadn’t lost yet.
And I’d left anyway.
Because if I stayed, if I begged, if I told her again how much I loved her, I’d break her.
But that didn’t make it easier.
On the first day, I woke up and instinctively reached for my phone to text her. The second day was the same. I’d typed out half a dozen messages — stupid ones, casual ones, the kind that might make her smile.
Saw a dog today that looked like a loaf of bread.
Your coffee order is insane, by the way.
I never sent them.
I didn’t want to push her. Didn’t want to make her feel trapped.
Still, I couldn’t stop missing her.
I missed the sound of her laugh, the way she looked at me like she saw past all the bullshit and believed I was still worth something.
And no matter how many times I told myself to move on, my chest still ached for her.
So I did what I always did when I didn’t know what else to do.
I went for coffee.
Ialmostdidn’t notice him at first.
That wasn’t true — besides the two pictures on her Instagram, Iwouldn’thave known it was him standing behind me at this shitty coffee shop.
I didn’t want to talk to him. God, I didn’t even want tolookat him.
But he noticed me.
Offuckingcourse he noticed me.
And recognition lit his face like he’d just won something.
“Well, well.” He smirked. “If it isn’t Ansel Barlowe.”
I said nothing. Just gave him the tightest smile I could manage and turned back toward the counter.
