I snort. “Is that why you left? You figured out I wasn’t the right one for you?”
“Not at all. My leaving was all about me and my own cowardice and issues from my past.” He loads the last few plates in the dishwasher, puts in the detergent when I hand him a pod, and starts it. “What’s the story with Deacon?”
I walk toward the living room, intending to walk him to the front door. “There’s no story.”
Bryson drops to sit on my couch. “Seems to me like there’s a story. He built a gym for Marmalade in Harper’s room?”
I sigh. “Don’t you have somewhere to be?”
His grin is wicked. “Nope. I’m catching up with the mother of my child.”
“Weren’t you just saying you’d be lucky if I let you be my friend? I don’t owe you information about my private life.” I regret my words almost instantly, especially when Bryson’s smile falls, and he looks genuinely wounded.
He leans forward, elbows on knees, hands clasped. “Harper wasn’t the only person I hurt when I left. I need to know you’re okay. Happy.”
Damn it. I sit on the couch next to him, weighing my words carefully. “Deacon was Ellery’s idea. She said I need more fun in my life, more time to be an adult and do what I want.”
“Ellery?” he asks. “Did she go to school with us?”
I nod. “She was in Asher’s class. She’s my best friend now. She’s the children’s librarian at the library downtown.”
“I agree with her,” Bryson says. “You should get to have fun for yourself.”
“You don’t know me anymore. So, you can’t say that.”
He rolls his eyes. “Harper is happy and healthy. Your parents are clearly doing well. You have no excuse not to go out and have fun. Especially now that I’m back.”
My stomach drops, and I’m not sure why. “What does that mean?”
He must read something on my face, because he leans back in his seat, hands out in a placating gesture. “That was too much. I’m not pushing, Melly. I swear. But, whenever you’re okay with me being alone with Harper, I can take care of her while you get some adult time to do whatever you want.”
Wow, that feeling in my stomach isn’t going away. In fact, it feels an awful lot like the upset stomach I get when I’m really nervous about something. But what am I nervous about? It doesn’t make sense. “I’m already okay with you spending time alone with Harper.”
His expression doesn’t change. “That look on your face was not you being okay with me taking care of Harper on my own. You can be honest with me, Melly. I’m not going to push for anything you aren’t ready for.”
“I’m not lying. Your sister called today and told me what an amazing uncle you are. I’m not going to keep you from Harper.”
“So what’s bothering you?”
“I don’t know,” I say slowly, trying to figure it out myself. “Maybe just the idea of not having Harper here? But that doesn’t make sense. She sleeps over at her grandparents’ house and stays with Asher. I don’t know what’s going on with me.”
“Maybe it’s different because I’m her dad?”
“Maybe,” I say, but that doesn’t feel right either. And I don’t want Bryson to think he’s the problem when he’s not. Yes, I’m still mad at him for leaving us. I probably always will be. And yes, I’m never going to entirely trust that he won’t do it again, but he’s a good person. The man I married was a good person at heart, and the man sitting next to me now is still that good man. Demonstrably even better. And I don’t want him to worry that I’m going to keep Harper from him.
Because I know that worry is unbearable.
“Would it be weird to say I think I might be scared of having the time and room to be an adult who’s not Mom or daughter or sister or animal control officer?” That feels right. That’s what’s scaring me. My stomach roils in agreement. “I don’t have any idea what I’m going to do with an entire Saturday or even an entire weekend to myself.”
“We can take it slow,” he says. “You’ll be welcome any time Harper’s with me, Melly. I have nothing but love for you, and I will never not want you around.”
“But that’s the way it’s going to have to be sometimes. Because we aren’t together anymore. Someday you’re going to meet someone and get married again. Harper needs to know you as separate from me. She needs to have her own relationship with you.” I grimace, feeling my face heat. “Can you tell I’ve been overthinking this?”
He pats my shoulder. “Not overthinking. Trying to do what’s best for Harper and anticipating every possible stumbling block.”
I nod, but I can’t relax. Everything is changing in my life, and I have no idea how to feel about it.
“So,” Bryson says. “What’s the story with Deacon?”
