***
Later that night, when Harper’s in bed and I’m all alone, it’s not Bryson I want to call. I don’t want to hear his story of reformation and his promises to do better this time.
Nope. I just want to talk to HandsyGuy37.
He’s outside of all of this. He’s not going to remember what a good husband Bryson once was like my parents will. Because they loved him once too.
HandsGuy37 doesn’t know about all the hours I’ve spent wondering if I’ve been doing a disservice to Harper by not tracking Bryson down and insisting he show up for her like Ellery does.
He doesn’t want to punish Bryson for hurting me and abandoning his niece like Asher does.
Not that they won’t all support me no matter what I decide, but I’ll feel the weight of that history with them in a way I won’t with HandsyGuy37, because it just doesn’t exist for him.
DogPerson158:My life just got impossibly more complicated.
He answers right away, and I sigh in relief. Thank goodness.
HandsyGuy37:That doesn’t sound good. Want to talk about it?
DogPerson158:We’ve agreed we’re never going to meet in person, right?
He takes a long time to answer, and I second-guess my message, or, by the time he answers, thirty-guess it. But we did agree, right? We aren’t meeting in person.
HandsyGuy37:We’ve agreed. I know where we stand. I just want to be clear that if you ever change your mind, I’d love to meet in person.
It’s so tempting, but there’s no way this guy could possibly be as good in person as he is virtually. Men like that don’t exist. Or if they do, they’ve never shown an interest in me.
DogPerson158:We are never meeting and, if you do figure out who I am, you are to pretend you don’t know me if you see me in person. Deal?
HandsyGuy37:I’m not sure I can agree to that. Can I ask why?
I breathe in deeply. DogPerson 158:I want to break one of our rules. I want to reveal personal information.
His answer is almost instantaneous. HandsyGuy37:I’ll make that deal for the opportunity to get to know you better.
For some weird reason, his answer makes my eyes burn. I’m not crying over a guy wanting to get to know me with absolutely no chance of sex. I am not.
DogPerson158:My ex-husband is moving back to town, and he wants to be in my daughter’s life.
There’s a longer pause this time before he answers. HandsyGuy37:How do you feel about that? Any chance of reuniting as a happy little family?
His words project an image into my mind, one I imagined many times before Harper was born, of me and Bryson and Harper together and happy. Is it possible Bryson’s changed enough that we could work out this time? Would it be the right thing to do for Harper?
DogPerson158:Unlikely, but I’m not ruling it out entirely. We were both immature and young when we were married the first time, so it’s possible we’ve grown up enough to make things work this time around. And it seems like it might be the right thing to do for my daughter.
I hit send before I change my mind. I need to get the thought out of my head and get an outside opinion, because I’m flying blind right now and I hate not knowing my next steps. I hate not knowing the right thing to do.
HandsyGuy37:I admit to being biased against you with any man who’s not me, but I don’t think it ever goes well when a couple gets togetheror stays together for the sake of the kids. Your daughter doesn’t need her parents to be together to know she’s loved.
A bit of tension eases out of me. He’s right. I knew it before he said it, but it’s still good to hear it from someone outside the situation. And I’m going to ignore him saying he wants to be with me.
I have to.
I need him to be my friend right now. Just my friend.
DogPerson158:Thanks. I just really needed to hear that I can be a good mom without getting back together with him, because I don’t even want to see him. To be honest, I’m still furious with him for walking out of our lives and contributing nothing to help us. He hasn’t even called to see how Harper is doing in the four years she’s been alive, and now he thinks he can just walk back in and be her daddy?
DogPerson158:Sorry, I got a little carried away. I would have toned it down and edited it, but I accidentally hit send before I could.
