Cash doesn’t laugh. He doesn’t even smile or put me off with his typical lackadaisical shrug. “I agree.”
I stare at him. “You haven’t been acting like it.”
He sighs. “Mom can’t handle the stairs at home anymore. They need a house that’s going to accommodate her illness.”
My throat closes up, and my eyes sting. “What the hell are you talking about? The new treatment is working. She’s been doing better. That’s what she says every time I call.”
“That’s what she says to all of us. But she’s lying.”
What I want to do is rewind time and avoid this conversation. Unfortunately, I just wasted a lot of breath convincing my brother I’m not that guy anymore. “How do you know that?”
“Dad called me. He thought we should know how much Mom is struggling. Her arthritis is worse, and the new drugs aren’t helping. They need to get into a single-level home. She just can’t do the stairs anymore.”
“She’s only sixty-five.” I want to find a way to explain this away. I don’t even want to think about the reality that ourparents are aging. “There’s got to be something they can do for her.”
“And they will.” Cash squeezes my shoulder. “They haven’t given up on reducing her pain and preventing her from losing more mobility, but she needs to be somewhere easier on her body.”
“It’s because of the accident, isn’t it?”
Cash winces. “None of this is your fault, Deacon. You were a kid. You couldn’t have stopped that car from hitting her.”
I roll my eyes. I was the only kid in the car with Mom when we were hit by a pickup truck running a stop sign. I broke my arm and spent the summer at the Weston farm, where there were two able-bodied parents to help me and no brothers to talk me into a wrestling match. Mom broke the ankle in her right leg and both bones in her left calf. She was off her feet for the entire summer.
If I sit and think about it, which I never do, I accept that getting sent away made me feel like I was being punished at the time, but I’m an adult now. I understand that none of it was my fault.
“I know that. I’m just saying that if it weren’t for the accident, her arthritis wouldn’t be so bad. She might be able to get around better.”
Cash shrugs. “Probably, but Grandma had really bad arthritis too. There’s no way to know.”
“So that’s why everyone’s in such a hurry to get them moved here. Why didn’t you tell me?”
He looks away. “You’ve been busy. We’ve all been busy. It didn’t come up.”
I cross my arms over my chest. “You didn’t think I could handle it.” What the hell?
“When Levi moved away last year, you barely spoke to us for two weeks. You buried yourself in work and spent the rest of the time out with friends.”
“I was busy.”
“You convinced Brogan to climb Deadman’s Peak. You nearly killed yourself.”
“I twisted my ankle.”
“And thank God for that. If you and Brogan had actually made it to the top, you wouldn’t have survived.”
I roll my eyes. “I’m a damn good rock climber, and you know it.”
Cash narrows his eyes. “You’re decent, and that’s generous.”
“And the way to get better is to attempt challenging climbs. I wasn’t trying to kill myself.”
“No, you were trying to distract yourself from how much you missed your little brother. You were running away from your emotions like you always do.”
“Since when are you an expert on handling emotions?”
“Since Sonya dumped me for being emotionally distant, and I started seeing a therapist. You and I aren’t so different, Deacon. This move has been a lot for you and you can’t admit it. You’re avoiding dealing with it so hard, you created a fake profile for Sebastian.”
I don’t even know where to start with any of that. “If Levi had handled it like I asked him to, it wouldn’t be on my plate at all.”
