He gestures up at the ceiling, and I see that he’s extended Marmalade’s aerial walkway around the living room and added in more perches and cat-centric activity areas. It’s clear he’s not finished yet, but it’s already amazing. I check Harper’sroom and see that he’s painted everything he added there in rainbow colors and, in the sunroom, he’s painted a tree onto the wall, the branches holding up several of Marmalade’s perches. Throughout, he’s added hanging feathers and other cat toys that Marmalade clearly loves, since he’s on one of his perches, lazily batting a hanging ball with a bell in it.
“Your dad checked with your landlord to make sure he was okay with me extending Marmalade’s gym through the living room. At least, that’s what Bryson told me. My brother Cash painted the tree and Harper’s portion of the gym. He’s a really talented artist, but that’s a secret.” Deacon runs a hand through his hair and chuckles awkwardly. “I’m babbling. I hope it’s not too much. It just felt unfinished. And Bryson thought you’d like it. Ellery did too. I can take it all down if you hate it.”
“No, I—” I start, turning to face him. I’m honestly a little overcome with inexplicable feelings right now. I love what he’s done. Not just because it’s incredibly cool and Harper will love it, but because it shows his kindness, his determination to do a job right, and his willingness to do a nice thing for me, even after I haven’t been very nice to him.
Honestly, I’m not sure I deserve him.
“I didn’t mean to be here when you got home,” Deacon says. “I don’t have any plans to try to see you again—”
“You don’t?” Oh, so he’s just done this because of his work ethic, then?
“I heard what you said about not wanting to see me again, and I don’t want to overstep. You don’t have to worry about me showing up anywhere you are or intruding on your life in any way. I’m not the kind of guy who stalks women or who sets up a fake accidental meeting after they’ve said they don’t want to meet.”
“I know.” And for the first time, I truly believe that. Down to my bones. The man standing in front of me is a lot of things, buthe’s not manipulative or sneaky. He’s wearing all his emotions boldly on his face, and I know how hard that is. I’ve been suppressing mine for so long, I forgot I had any.
“And I know you might never believe…” He stops, eyes meeting mine. “Wait. What do you mean, you know?”
“I believe you didn’t know I was DogPerson when we met in the hardware store.”
He sighs audibly in relief.
“But you still lied to me.”
He nods. “I did.”
“You’re not apologizing?”
He crosses his arms over his chest, defiance rising in his expression. “I don’t regret it. If I’d told you the truth, you’d have dumped me in real life and online immediately. It was wrong of me not to tell you, but I got to have extra time with you, and I’ll never have to wonder if I could have convinced you to give me a chance if I’d had more time.” He shrugs. “Plus, you didn’t want to know the truth.”
He’s trying to blame this on me now? “Like hell I didn’t.”
“I’m not trying to excuse what I did,” he says gently, like he’s breaking bad news to me. “But you liked having HandsyGuy to talk to and me for sex. It made you happy to be able to keep both of us. And you told me repeatedly that you didn’t want to know personal information. If I told you the truth, I’d be taking HandsyGuy and real life Deacon away from you and that would make you sad.” He shrugs. “It would have absolutely made me sad, too, but be honest, if you could erase the knowledge from your brain, wouldn’t you want to go back to the way things were? Sex with fun-time Deacon and chatting with HandsyGuy?”
The truth sinks like a rock in my gut. He’s right. About all of it. Well, almost all of it. “No. I wouldn’t.”
He stares me down, ready to argue his point. “I don’t believe you.”
My heart thumps so hard in my chest it’s painful. A huge part of me wants to get defensive, to pop out all my quills and protect my soft gooey center, but that’s what got me into this mess in the first place. “I wouldn’t want to go back because I’m glad to know you’re also HandsyGuy. I’m glad to know you’re so much more than just the fun guy I could be casual with. And I don’t want to forget that you are the man I’ve fallen in love with.”
He stares at me. “I don’t think I heard you right. Can you repeat that?”
“I’m in love with you, Deacon. I’m still pissed that you lied to me, my life is still complicated, and I don’t have time for a relationship—”
He steps closer and cups my face with his strong hands. “I love you, too, Amelia. So much. And I’m willing to take whatever I can get. If you only have time to see me once every two weeks, I understand. I won’t pressure you for more. I’m willing to work around your schedule, especially now that you’re going back to school.”
I smile, even though my eyes are damp. “You heard about that?”
“Congratulations, by the way. I’m so proud of you, baby.”
“Thanks.” A tear slips down my cheek. “Once every two weeks isn’t going to work for me, Deacon. I want to be with you, but—”
“No buts,” he says. “We can figure this out. Don’t push me away because you think I can’t handle complicated or—”
This time I interrupt him. “Would you just hear me out?”
He pins his lips shut tight and nods.
“I want to see you more than once every two weeks. I want to be able to see you when I’ve had a bad day and my life feels chaotic. I want to text with you in the middle of the night just because I’m missing you. But I’m not sure that’s fair to you—”
