Now, it’s a fresh new week, and Belle hasn’t had a full blown panic attack in three days.
“You sure you’re okay?” I ask for the tenth time this morning.
“Yes,” she says with a nod. “I’ll be okay.”
“Call me if you need anything. I have a special note from Dean Thomas saying I’m allowed to leave class to come see you, so don’t worry about getting me in trouble.”
She nods again.
I go to leave, and she calls my name. I turn back around.
“I still want to go to the garden,” she says. “Sometime soon.”
The knot in my stomach tightens a bit. I haven’t had any time to look for the key in the last week of being here with Belle. As much as I want to get into the hidden garden too, I can’t do anything without the key.
“I don’t know…” I say. “I don’t want you to do too much too fast.”
“Please, Sophia. I want to go.”
“The last time you stepped out of this dorm, you had a massive panic attack. The gardens are a long walk away.”
“I know… but if it’s at night… I think I can handle it.”
I give her a look. “I’m serious!” she says. “I think I’ll be fine.”
“We can talk about this later.”
“You sound just like my mom.” She folds her arms across her chest.
“Good. Because your mom only wants the best for you, and so do I.”
Before she can answer, I close the door and walk quickly down the hallway, confident that she won’t follow me.
I feel awful for discouraging her from going outside again, because like it or not, Belle will never get better if she doesn’t try. Baby steps and all that. But I can’t just take her to the garden right now. The door is locked. If I don’t find the key, I’ll never be able to take her.
“Sophia!” Declan calls my name embarrassingly loud across the campus. He jogs toward me, and I’m still not sure how I feel about him. He stopped being my friend because some idiot told him not to talk to me. I mean, I get that the idiot in question is threatening his job, but still. That sucks.
“What is it?” I say, deciding to go with the cold, unfriendly approach. It’s easier if you don’t have feelings for someone.
“You’re finally back. Where have you been? It was impossible to find you. Do you not have a Knight Watch profile?”
I snort. “No. That website is stupid.”
“Is everything okay?” he asks, falling into step with me.
“Why would I answer you? We’re not friends, remember?” I look over at him and see the hurt in his eyes. It feels good to know I caused that pain. He’s certainly caused me enough of it.
“I’m sorry,” he says. “I really am. But I’m not sure what to do. I like you, Sophia.”
His voice hitches on that last bit. He swallows. “If we weren’t at this stupid school, I’d be around you all the time. I’d ask you out. I’d do whatever it takes to get your attention.”
My heart lodges in my throat. No one has ever talked to me like that before. “Why are you telling me this?” I say, my voice so quiet I barely hear it.
“Because it’s true.” Declan lets out a frustrated sigh and meets my gaze. “I really like you. But Chad Stokes could ruin my life.”
“So maybe you should stay away from me,” I say, swallowing the lump in my throat.
“I don’t want to.”
