“Well, this is the employee part of the store,” I say with a smile. “You’d have better luck in the store part, don’t you think?”
“Uh, yeah.” He stumbles over his words. “I’m just, uh, waiting for something.”
“There you are, hun.” Mrs. Harris joins us in the hallway. She’s dressed as Mrs. Claus, wearing a matching and extravagantly designed costume just like her husband’s. She squeezes Connor’s arm. “Right this way, dear.”
Connor gives me an awkward smile, like maybe he’s embarrassed, and he follows her into her office.
That was weird.
I down a soda and go back to work, and it’s funny how every time I run into Connor lately I end up thinking about him all day. He’s cute. Like,reallycute. He’s tall and has that chiseled jaw line that matches all of my favorite celebrities. He’s also kind of shy, and a little awkward, and I think that’s what endears me to him so much. He’s not a cocky jerk like Ricky was. He’s … sweet.
After my shift, Mr. Harris hands me an envelope with eighty dollars cash in it. I thank him and tell him I’ll be back to work next weekend, and then I walk the half a mile to the bus stop with a big smile on my face. I can’t believe it. It’s working. I put out an ad and I got a job and now I’m making money just in time for Christmas. It’s all coming together.
I can practically feel my mom’s happiness when she learns about the money I made. I didn’t tell her where I was these last two days because I’ve been keeping it a surprise. She thinks I’m hanging out with friends.
Mom calls me while I’m waiting for the bus, which is the only bus in our little town so it’s always running late.
“Hi Jayda,” she says, her voice sounding defeated. Sad. “I told myself I wouldn’t let it come to this, but I guess it did.”
“What’s going on?” I ask.
She sighs. “Do you have anything of value that you might be able to sell? I swear I will pay you back one day. It’s just—” another sigh—“I haven’t been able to pay the electricity bill in two months and now they’ve sent me a cancellation notice saying they’ll shut it off on Monday if we don’t pay at least ninety dollars.”
The envelope of cash feels heavy in my pocket. A moment ago this cash had felt like toys and fun and Christmas spirit. Now it feels like real life. Like disappointment.
“I’ve got you covered,” I say, trying to sound happy even though my heart is breaking.
Chapter Six
Connor
This isn’t exactly what I had expected. After reading Jayda’s letter, I sat at the empty dining room table and looked at it for a long time as memories of the past came back to me. I remembered my mom studiously replying to each letter from the kids in town. She’d make a pot of coffee and spend hours on it, saying it was worth the effort to make these kid’s day by replying. I remembered that she used a special stationary to write back, a thick cream paper with golden embossing that looks all professional like something you’d see on a diploma from an ivy league college. It makes it look like a letter from the north pole, from the big man himself. I searched all over the house and couldn’t find any, but I remembered where my mom got them. Mrs. Harris’ Christmas store.
I don’t know why, but I feel compelled to write back to Jayda. She won’t know it’s me, and maybe I can offer her some kind of holiday warmth. I don’t know. Maybe I’m crazy for even wanting to try.
But that didn’t stop me from coming to the year round Christmas store tonight in search of that stationary. I couldn’t find it anywhere and then Mrs. Harris found me and asked if I needed help. When I told her what I was looking for, her eyes got teary and she pulled me into a warm bear hug. It was weird and somehow comforting. I don’t remember the last time I’ve been hugged—I think it was at my mom’s funeral all those months ago.
Mrs. Harris had explained that she forgot to cancel the order of stationary this year and that it had shown up a couple weeks ago. Apparently this isn’t something they sell in the store because my mom and Mrs. Harris had wanted Santa’s official stationary to be exclusive to Santa. It would ruin the magic if a kid came in here and saw the special golden paper that they got from Santa being offered for sale.
The next thing I knew, she was telling me to meet her at a back stock room. That’s when I ran into Jayda. Once again, I was a stuttering pathetic fool around her. I can’t help myself. She’s so pretty, and I get flustered around her. And now I feel bad because I know her secret struggles. I know she’s having a hard time and I can’t even try to make her feel better because she doesn’t think I know.
Then something terrible happened.
Mrs. Harris gave me a box that was at least forty pounds and was filled with the stationary. She teared up again and told me she was so proud of me for taking on the tradition.
Oops.
I hadn’t explained that I only wanted one paper and one envelope. I was only planning on writing back tooneof Santa’s letters. Now I’m loading the box into my truck and wondering if I can just get out of the whole thing. Maybe Mrs. Harris would never know?
But what about next Christmas?
I drop my head to the steering wheel and let out a groan. I’m so stupid. Why did I do this? I just subjected myself to more Christmas crap than anyone ever needs, and I endured the pain of that just to get a fancy paper to write back to Jayda, who probably won’t even care, and it’s not like I have anything insightful to tell her anyhow.
Stupid, stupid.
Maybe I won’t write her back. I don’t know what I’d say anyhow. I remember Mom telling me that she had a way to reply to kids whose letters asked for way too much, like a pony or their own airplane. She’d say something like Santa’s elves work very hard but they can’t make gifts that would be a burden on children’s parents. Or she’d tell them that Santa picked out the best gifts for them and that he knows they’ll be happy with them because he’s magic and knows the perfect gifts.
I don’t think that will help in Jayda’s case.
