She snorts. “There’s no rule that you can’t date someone on the team. Marcus probably won’t even care, especially if you keep making sure Clay participates and does all that crap he hates doing. Hell, Marcus will probably give you a raise if you can do that.”
“You’re acting like Clay would even want to date me,” I say. “Did you hear what he said in the interview today? He doesn’t want a girlfriend.”
She considers this for a moment, and it makes my heart sting a little. I guess I was hoping she’d shake her head and say he was just lying, but instead she’s actually considering it as the truth. I hate that I know I can’t date him, but I’m still secretly looking for some way to make it work.
“You should talk to him.”
“What would I even say?”
She shrugs. “That’s for your heart to decide.”
“That would be too embarrassing. He’ll reject me.”
“He kissed you, Avery. He won’t reject you.”
A blush creeps up my cheeks. “You do have a point…”
“But…” Keanna says as her lips slide to the side of her mouth. She frowns and then takes my hand. “Maybe I’m wrong.”
My heart skips a beat. “What do you mean?”
She shrugs and gives me this sad smile. “Jett’s always telling me that I romanticize things. I came from this really crappy home life, and everything changed when I met Jett and my new adoptive parents. It was like a freaking Cinderella story, for real. They adopted me and I live next door to Jett, who is my total soul mate and my life got so much better, and now I want to see that in everything. But…” She sighs. “But maybe I’m wrong. Maybe Clay really doesn’t want a girlfriend, you know? I’d feel bad if I told you to go for it and then he did end up rejecting you.”
My heart cracks open. She’s completely right, I just didn’t want to hear it.
“I know what you mean,” I say as tears sting my vision. “Even if I begged to be his girlfriend, he’d still always have those reservations… I mean, the cons of us dating outweigh the pros.”
“Oh, Avery,” Keanna says, pulling me into a hug. “I’m really sorry. I want you two to be together, but I don’t know. Maybe you should just take it slow.”
“Yeah,” I say, nodding as I swallow the pain in my heart. “I agree. I’ll just let it go. Thank you for talking to me.”
She gives me another hug. “Anytime, girl. I’m always here for you.”
Chapter 19
I wake up so early the next morning that I get that weird foggy head feeling where I’m not quite sure where I am. It’s a problem that happens to drunks and people who travel a lot. I’ve never been drunk in my life, so I’m a victim of the latter. My eyes blink open and I stretch, feeling the softness of the hotel sheets, which is my first indicator that I’m not at home. At home I have cotton sheets that feel like sleeping in one big T-shirt.
I turn over and look at the digital clock on the nightstand. It’s five in the morning, and I’m in Vegas. At least I think I am.
The memories of yesterday come back to me. The nonstop interviews and PR. Getting pushed and prodded and placed into weird positions for photoshoots. That kiss with Avery. Why, oh why, did I kiss her?
In a list of all the stupid things I’ve done in my life, kissing Avery would be number one. Alarm bells were going off in my head as I stood there in the hallway next to her, getting closer with each step. I knew it was wrong. I knew it’d break me. I knew I should have turned around and stopped myself from doing it. But I didn’t. In those few seconds, I didn’t regret a thing. But now I know it was wrong.
After finishing the last interview, I’d come back to my hotel room, showered, ordered room service dinner and then taken a Tylenol PM just so I could sleep.
That was around eight o’clock in the evening, which explains why I’m suddenly awake and refreshed at five in the freaking morning. Ugh. I pull my pillow over my head and try to go back to sleep but it won’t work. I’m awake and filled with the same restless energy I’d had last night.
Avery and I came to an agreement. We can’t be together. We’re both not the type to have some kind of friends with benefits type of situation, so that leaves only one solution. Nothing. We can be nothing to each other.
That’s how it should be because motocross is my life. Not some girl. Not some beautiful, kind, sweet girl with the spirit of adventure in her eyes and lips softer than these bedsheets.
Motocross is my life.
The sooner I get back to it, the better off I’ll be.
Since I’m already awake, I figure I’ll go for a jog since it’s been a few days since I’ve done any cardio. I’ve been hitting up the gyms in the hotels we stay at, but a run in the cold weather sounds pretty good right now. I throw on some sweats and head down through the hotel and outside. We’re in the heart of Vegas, so I just start running down the sidewalk. I’d prefer somewhere more scenic, like a park or a hiking trail, but when you live on the road you have to make do with what you can get. Luckily, this bustling city is fairly quiet right now. The sun isn’t up yet, and neither are most people.
My music keeps me company as I run, and I think of all the times it used to make me feel better in the past. The music keeps me alone. It lets me tune out conversations and noise. The earbuds keep people from talking to me, which is always a bonus. I prefer to be alone. This is how I like it. This is how I’ve always been, and how I always will be.
