“No…I,” I argue. “You have a list?” I question.
“Yes.” His robotic, monotone answers are starting to bother me. Having a to-do list for a person isn’t normal…is it?
“What’s on this list? Have you written it down? Are you going to, like, check things off as you do them? What have you checked off so far? Was fucking me on there?” I snap, my anger rising as my brain starts to whirl, questioning if all of this is just some fucked-up game.
“Penetrating you was on the list, yes,” he answers, still as calm as always.
“Fucking,” I yell. “Just say fucking. Calling it penetrating makes this even worse.”
“Fucking you with my cock was on the list,” he reaffirms.
“Oh my god. Is this all some fucked-up game? Is fucking the weird goth girl like a bonus round? Is that what all of that was upstairs? Do you get more points if you convince me to do fucked-up things with you?”
Knight’s expression stays infuriatingly calm, apart from a twitching muscle in his jaw that clenches and releases.
“Knight,” I snap, when he doesn’t speak.
“Are you done?” he asks calmly.
“No, I’m not fucking done,” I cry, shoving past him and rushing up the stairs toward the bedroom.
Bracing, I wait for the thundering sound of his footsteps behind me, and the yelling, shouting, and insults, but they don’t come. By the time I sit down on the bed, in the room that still smells like sex, some of the wind in my sails has dissolved, and fresh tears are threatening to fall.
Two minutes later, I watch as he calmly steps into the bedroom, crosses to the bed and sits down beside me before pulling me onto his lap.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper.
Narrowing his eyes, he pushes my hair away from my face. “You have nothing to be sorry about.”
“I overreacted.”
“I think I underreacted,” he says softly, cupping my cheek in his huge palm. “I do have a list on my cell, but I’m not doing things to you just to check things off or play a game. This…you are the first woman I’ve ever wanted anything with. Before you, I assumed I’d be alone. I’m happy alone. I always have been. But then I saw you, and I knew that you were a future I never knew that I wanted. With you, I’ll have a home, a wife, a family. Sex has always been…transactional. Penetration, completion, done. With you I want…” Pausing, he sighs, clearly struggling to articulate. “More.”
More. One simple word, yet so much…more.
“I don’t know how to do this,” I admit.
“Me neither,” Knight says. “But I know that I’ll never let you go. That I’ll protect you and keep you safe.”
“God, this is,” I sigh, exasperated. “I think I need some space, some time.”
“No,” he says succinctly.
“I’m sorry?” I question.
“No need to apologize.”
“I wasn’t apologizing. I was questioning your no,” I snap.
“There will be no space and no time,” he says simply.
“You don’t get to dictate that,” I pant, feeling tension creep into my muscles again.
“Yes, I do. Where you go, I go.”
“You plan to follow me around?” I ask sarcastically.
“Yes,” he says, like it’s the most obvious answer in the world.
