‘No. I told you I think there isthe onefor everyone. My parents had it and I’ll never settle until I find it either.’ He says the last few words so slowly and carefully that I stop chewing for a second. He drinks his wine. I swallow.
‘Is this for yer article?’ he asks me now, wiping his mouth with a napkin.
‘No, it’s for me.’ I bite my lip. Steady, I tell myself.
‘But what about you? Were you head over heels in love with that Cooper idiot?’ Dan whispers in this truthful moment and I’m shocked he remembered Cooper’s name.
‘N-no.’ I stumble on the one word but manage to reply honestly.
Then, we look at one another. It’s like a staring competition, neither of us blink.
‘You fascinate me, Maggie. I think, I, well, I know you are leaving .?.?.’ Dan breaks the silence as he leans forward on his seat, blocks the heat from the burning turf for a moment. ‘But you are so beautiful .?.?. so fascinating.’
‘Thank you .?.?. I-I don’t really know what to say, it’s all very overwhelming and thrilling,’ I add, leaning forward too, my mouth dry but I feel wonderful. ‘I just think this is all so mad, so unbelievable, I came here sworn off love for life but you – you’ve changed that somewhat,’ I say with a confident laugh.
‘It’s hard to believe, right? But I just felt this instant connection with you, you know? Like we’d met before? It’s your eyes, they’re unforgettable, your soul was seeping out through them, I was just pulled right in. When you whipped off that woolly hat and your hair tumbled around you my heart leapt out of my chest. This has never happened to me before but you’re leaving me soon, so I don’t think .?.?.’
He doesn’t think! He doesn’t think. It’s all I can hear.
‘I don’t want to leave here .?.?. ever,’ I blurt, shocking myself by speaking my truth and leaving myself so vulnerable.
‘So, what are you saying?’ He stares at me.
‘Nothing. I don’t know, I’m just being silly, that’s just it .?.?.’
‘It’s all so fast, I do know that, but .?.?.’
‘But?’ I stare back into his expressive eyes, trying desperately to read them, ‘I also have to tell you something about—’
‘Dan?’ Gráinne sticks her head in again, wrapping a scarf around her neck. ‘Sorry. Terry’s on the landline, says your mobile is switched off and it’s urgent. The hall is filling up. Sorry, Maggie, he’s needed.’
I feel dizzy. I still haven’t told him I know he’s sold the castle, nor has he told me. He doesn’t know I am more or less working for Frederick, the man he has sold his castle to. I am suddenly overwhelmed with anxiety as I stand up, all a fluster.
‘I better go. I-I have to get back to work, my deadline has come and gone, so if you’ll excuse me, Dan.’ I almost knock the wine glass off the barrel as I hit against it but I steady it just in time, droplets spill. I grab my coat and sweater in my hands.
‘But wait, please, one second. We didn’t—’ Dan’s eyes are darting to the glass door as all of a sudden Séamus walks into the snug with a slice of pizza perched between his teeth. He steps in and leans on Dan’s shoulder.
‘Not a great time, Séamus man, but are you okay? Gráinne looking after you out there? You need anything?’ Dan says, but again with utter kindness and a warm smile to the older man and I melt once more. This is a man with a truly good heart.
‘We all want you to marry a local lass, not a bloody American!’ Séamus says with a wag of his finger.
‘I’ll marry the woman who takes my breath away,’ Dan says, standing up from his chair to let me out as Gráinne reappears and leads Séamus back out.
‘Terry. Phone!’ She eyeballs Dan.
‘T-thank you for the wine and the f-food,’ I stammer.
‘Most welcome,’ Dan tells me.
Dan holds the door to the snug back for me and I exit the now completely empty bar. There’s not a person in sight. As I depart out into the snowy evening, I wonder what on earth is going on.
TWENTY-TWO
It’s only as I cross the road at the pedestrian crossing and reach for my hat to protect me from the sleeting snow that I realise I’m missing my satchel.
Abruptly, I pat myself down as if I might somehow find it on my person. Then I remember, I left it in the Sweet Orange Room this morning when I saw the door swing open to the cellar. That’s how distracted I am today, I think. I speed up, noticing now how a lot of people are walking briskly through the village square heading into Heartwell Hall to that meeting.
I just feel so discombobulated. I’m so happy for Jill and Max but I’m also so confused about Dan. I really am falling for him. But how can that work? It can’t! We live in different worlds. If it’s heartache I’ve been trying to save myself from by not dating, a long-distance romance with the lord of a crumbling castle who is strikingly charismatic, with chiselled features, is not the way to go
