‘Can you talk?’ she gasps, her big blue eyes searching behind me.
‘Yes, I’m in Heartwell. I’m alone, what’s up?’
‘Maggie, I’m pregnant,’ Jill shouts.
I lean so far into the camera my nose hits off the glass, in utter disbelief I shout, ‘W-whaaaaaaat?’
Jill holds a white stick up to the camera. ‘It’s positive.’
‘Jill! Oh my God .?.?.’ My mouth drops in shock.
‘But I need to do another to make sure and I need you with me.’
‘Of course! I-I will book a flight .?.?.’ I jump up, my head spinning. ‘I’m coming!’
‘No! No! Here with me on FaceTime, I have to do another test right now! This very second. I need you now!’ Panic jogs around Jill’s shocked face.
‘Okay, take it easy, it’s okay,’ I say just as the carol singers start up again with ‘Carol of the Bells’. ‘I need to get indoors. The snow is getting heavier and the wind is howling, there are carol singers and I can barely hear you. Let me go into the bookshop, it’s right beside me here!’ My head down as I run across the square to Cosy Reads, the melodic voices singing ‘ring Christmas bells’ in harmony fading into the distance as I push the door open. A little bell rings.
‘Hello!’ A woman sits behind the counter reading a hardback book, heavily pregnant in an oversized jumper that’s says‘I’dRather Be Reading’.
‘Giselle?’ I pant.
‘Oui?’ she answers in French, sliding her bookmark in, closing her book –What to Expect When You’re Expecting –with curiosity on her face.
‘Sorry, I’m Maggie.’ I pull open the door again and stamp the snow from my running shoes, then step back inside. ‘I saw you at the wedding the other night, I met Terry earlier. I really need somewhere to talk to my friend on FaceTime, she thinks she’s pregnant after three years of trying!’ I wave my phone at her.
Giselle takes one look at me and stands up, her hands cradling her lower back. ‘This way,’ she says.
I follow Giselle through the bookshop and out a small door into a stock room, with piles of boxes stacked.
‘You can take as long as you want.’ Giselle smiles warmly and just before she closes the door, she says, ‘This is my first baby but not my first pregnancy. I have lost three pregnancies.’ She holds my eye, wraps her hands around her huge bump, ‘So I understand.’ Then, she closes the door gently.
‘Okay! I’m here!’ I will have to follow up that conversation with Giselle, but right now, I settle myself on the window ledge, bend my knees, tuck my legs up.
‘Thank you! I’m shaking so badly. Right, I’m going to the bathroom to do another, come with me.’ Jill takes the phone with her, props it up on her sink then disappears. I try to digest this wonderful news all the while saying a silent prayer it’s not a false positive.
‘Ok, three minutes.’ Jill returns, picks the phone back up, and lays the new stick by the positive one, the camera wobbly.
‘I can’t believe it.’ I am a little lost for words.
‘Neither can I? It can’t be right? I know it can’t. Can it?’ She squeezes her cheeks with her fingers.
‘Let’s wait and see. Why did you do a pregnancy test in thefirst place?’ I probe gently, unsure as to what all this means since they had stopped the IVF after the last unsuccessful round.
‘So before Max left for Lisbon we, well, we were .?.?. together. I didn’t think about it until this morning when I had to jump of bed and throw up! I’ve felt odd a bit but I put it down to eating so many London curries! I got back into bed but I had to run back and throw up again. Then I remembered feeling queasy in Hyde Park yesterday and in Kensington Gardens when I was talking to you a few days ago.’ Jill paces around and I immediately think how pale I thought she looked on that call. ‘And I remembered the metallic taste in my mouth and how things smelled of mushrooms but when I bent to tie my shoelaces, that’s when I felt the tenderness in my boobs. They were really sore and not like the IVF soreness .?.?. different.’ Jill barely takes a breath, pink creeping up her cheeks, make-up free and so beautiful.
‘Okay.’ I calmly realise I’ve been holding my own breath.
We just stare at one another down the lens, miles apart but right now fully together in this most important moment.
‘There is every chance this test will be positive too and that you’re pregnant, Jill Lewis-Huberman.’ I say softly, ‘But we need to get you to a doctor too. Do a proper blood test.’
‘It’s probably negative.’ Jill swallows so hard I can actually hear it.
‘Even so, you’ve had one positive so you have to get checked out,’ I repeat.
‘I need to call Max.’ She’s fidgeting so much her head is moving side to side off the screen and back on.
