“I’m not angry.”
He froze mid-breath, his mouth working for a moment before he stepped closer. “You’re not?”
“I can’t b-b-be angry. Mr. Landon t-told me about your p-position, what was at stake for you.” She swallowed, but the fist around her throat didn’t budge. “For your mother, your sisters. I understand why you wouldn’t have me sp-speak.” Her voice broke on the last word, and a sick laugh escaped. “You needed to win, and who would b-b-believe me?”
Archie was shaking his head, reaching out as though he meant to take her hands, but retreated. “I believe you.Everyonewould believe you, but Stansbury wanted to challenge your sanity. And if I put you on the stand—”
“They might ask aboutus.”
He shook his head. “No one knows.”
“Your friend, Mr. Landon.” Her cheeks heated. “He knew.”
Archie’s eyes darkened. “I didn’t tell him. He guessed, and he’d never say a word.”
She fought to keep her voice stable as her body trembled, glanced around to see if anyone paid them attention, if someone was witness to her world falling apart. “If he found out, I’m sure others would. They’d be d-disgusted.”
He flinched as though her words cut him. His voice dropped to a frantic whisper. “That’s not what this is, whatweare. I want nothing but to be with you, I want—”
“What you want,” she whispered, “isn’t p-possible.”
His eyes fell shut, his chin fell. “Mari, don’t say that.”
She looked around at the commotion of the Strand, people carrying on in their lives as though they couldn’t see her very soulbeing ripped from her body at the thought of hurting this kind man, a man she loved from the depths of her heart.
“What future is there for us? If we win, I’m a notorious woman. Your reputation would suffer for associating with me. And if we lose, I’m still married.” Another sick laugh. “I may b-be sent t-t-to an asylum. Why would you want either of those?”
“I don’t care about my reputation.” His jaw ticked as he searched her face. “I care—”
“Your mother cares,” she interrupted. “Your sisters. They d-deserve happiness and security, as d-do you. You could have a wife, children—”
“I could have those things with you.” A hopeful, delicate smile appeared on the corner of his lips, so fragile she knew it would be shattered by her next words.
“I d-don’t want to be your b-burden any longer. I d-don’t want to worry I’ve hurt you with who I am.”
“You wouldneverhurt me,” he hissed.
“I already have.” She would be angry at herself later for doing this, but she couldn’t leave without taking his hands, letting herself hold this part of him, savoring his warmth one last time. “If the d-divorce is granted, I won’t stay here. I’ll d-disappear for as long as I can, and you d-don’t have that option. I’m removing myself for your own good.”
“Wherever you go, I’ll find you.” His eyes were blazing now, brimming with tears that made the blue depths sparkle in the brilliant sunlight. “Losing you willdestroyme.”
She bit her lip to hold back a sob, looked down at their joined hands. “Keeping me will d-d-destroy everyone.”
Someday, Archie would recall this moment and thank her, be grateful for her when he met a woman who wasn’t broken, whose life wasn’t scarred with a series of poor decisions, with missteps and regrets, failings and forgotten promises. She would never regret it, either, although the scar tissue around her heart would keep the tender, foolish organ from feeling this way again. She would make sure of it.
“D-do I need to be p-present when the d-d-decision is read?” she managed, and he shook his head wearily, refused to let go of her.
She pulled her hands away, felt the last strings binding her heart to his snapping. “P-please send word when you hear. You’ve b-been a fine b-b-barrister, Mr. Grant.”
Chapter 34
Archie’slegsdraggedashe returned to the courthouse, every inch of his body aching as though he’d just received the worst pummeling of his life on the pitch. His lungs burned with unshed tears, the effort of keeping himself under some semblance of control too much to bear.
Marigold had left.
After everything he’d done, everything they’d shared, she’d still walked away from him. From everything they could have been. And under the guise of protecting him from being tainted by her presence.
Didn’t she understand he didn’t care what others said? He’d gladly take whatever barbs people tossed his way, work whatever jobs he needed to support her and her children, lay himself bare for her.
