Please do not apologize for your “gastrointestinal pyrotechnics.” While they did not carry the same beauty as those at Vauxhall, they were nonetheless impressive. No one will ever hear of the incident. I shall refrain from using the term “fits,”as it summons an image of myself at age six having a tantrum over being refused sweets in lieu of supper. If we should meet again, I will regale you with stories of the time I threw my own shoes out the window when my nanny insisted I dress for church. But I digress. Do you have these episodes often? Does your recovery always involve such… fireworks?
At the risk of being intrusive, I could not help but notice Lord Fairleigh speaking with you before you became ill in the garden. Was he behaving as a gentleman should? If not, I could easily deliver his head on a platter.
Sincerely yours,
Henry, Lord Morley
24 December 1895
Dear Lord Morley,
I have no desire to discuss Lord Fairleigh, although I will admit I have a small desire to see his head on a platter. Roasted, perhaps? With a side of turnips and asparagus? I shall have to see what Cook comes up with.
Please do not concern yourself with his behavior. I was simply a bit out of sorts that evening, and I am grateful you could set me to rights.
But, as I said, no beheading. It would be a shame to see your name in the scandal sheets associated with something so gruesome. I would enjoy hearing more about your positively Dickensian childhood. Perhaps I could share the tale of when Victor and I snooped in the larder and inadvertently locked ourselves inside for the night. We gorged on crackers and biscuits, and when Cook discovered us at dawn, we were quite proud of ourselves and had decided the larder would serve as our bedroom for the foreseeable future.
I do not have my “episodes” often, thank heavens. They seem to occur only when out in society, so it is for the best that I am rarely invited to things. Will you be attending Christmas services at St. James tonight?
Sincerely yours,
Lady Eleanor
26 December 1895
Dear Lady Eleanor,
I rarely attend services as I may burst into flame upon crossing the narthex. I do hope you had a happy Christmas. I received a set of socks knit by my great-aunt, but they are sized for a child of approximately eight years. I wonder if you have any young relations that may use them?
So you have read about me in the scandal sheets? A decapitation would set me apart from the other scoundrels in London. The town needs variety to spice things up now and again.
As I have the reputation for finding all sorts of trouble in society, I think I will take it upon myself to end your self-imposed solitude. Will you be at the Knollwood house party in two weeks? We can find a different victim, perhaps this time for disemboweling?
Yours,
Henry, Lord Morley
30 December 1895
Dear Lord Morley,
You flatter me so to consider me a woman worthy of disemboweling a peer of the realm. It’s a wonder more Valentines cards don’t include promises of carnivorous bloodlust. My heart flutters.
Alas, your blood thirst will have to be saved for another time, as I will not be attending the house party. My mother deems such events inappropriate for young ladies without proper chaperones. She attends as few society events as possible, and therefore, I am limited as well. Her health has made her into something of a recluse, and, with my brother away, much of her care falls to me. To be frank, I feel guilty about longing to escape the confines of our home when she cannot visit with anyone at all. After all she has given me, it is the least I can do to spend my evenings embroidering (poorly, I will add) in her company.
I will admit I shed very few tears for drawing such a lot in life, as few consider my social outings a great success for me. Even when I do not end the evening casting up my accounts on kind and handsome gentlemen.
Enjoy yourself at Knollwood. I expect to read all about it in the scandal sheets.
Yours sincerely,
Lady Eleanor
The Morning Chronicle — All the London News You Shouldn’t Know — London, 15 January 1896
The cold could not keep the festivities at bay this past weekend. The house party at K. House reunited several of London’s favorite couples. Lady D. is reported to have found herself in the arms of Lord W. in the gardens of the estate. Lord M. could not seem to decide; he was spotted leaving the bedrooms of both Miss Ch. and Lady F.on various occasions. Who will be the woman who finally pins down the notorious rake?
18 January 1896
