Chapter 14
Kady
Gavin and I spent the entire day roaming the cobblestone streets of Rome, enjoying each other’s company and the sights and sounds of the historical city.
It’s seems strange that I’ve only known him a few days, barely a week. But the way we are together - comfortable and easy – it’s like I’ve known him a lifetime. Things are simple between us as we navigate the here and now and don’t worry about the future. There’s no pretense or lies. I don’t have to be anything that I’m not around him. I can just be me.
Gavin sees the real me and I don’t have to hide who I am from him. Or my imperfections. This time with him has given me some room to breathe and some freedom from my failures back home.
I’ve become who I am out of long-term frustration that started when I was ten. From failing to win the affection of my parents, who passed me over in favor of Cade or Kylah. I simply slid into the role of the black sheep and troublemaker of the family. Not by choice, but out of necessity.
I know it sounds overly dramatic, but how else could I live under the same roof with Cade and Kylah, whose achievements in academics and sports are well-known in the greater Phoenix area? I saw the writing on the wall by the time I was ten.
I tried and struggled with everything I did. Dance lessons? Tripped over my own feet. Choir? Couldn’t carry a tune. Soccer and Lacrosse? I couldn’t run without getting a side cramp. And forget trying to multi-task while holding a stick or trying to kick a ball.
School wasn’t any better. I’m smart, but not academically like my siblings who got the brains. They were both science and math nerds who understood mathematical and engineering science algorithms, and won national chess championships in middle-school. I barely passed algebra.
And then there was the “look” I’d receive from my teachers. You know the one…the dipped chin, tight lipped, sympathetic grimace that said, “Too bad she isn’t more like her sister or brother,” as they handed me my C minus term paper.
I heard it all the time at home, too, especially from my dad. “Try harder,” he’d say. And then my mom would pipe in, “Maybe next time you can study more instead of wasting time with your friends.”
By the time I was thirteen, I’d just given up. I knew it wasn’t in the cards for me to amount for anything in my life, so why not just have fun? I got into make-up, fashion and boys. That’s where I truly excelled.
How I got into U of C in Boulder last year will forever remain a mystery. My grades during high school were a solid C+. The most logical explanation as to why I was accepted is because my dad pulled some strings when I finally got busy filling out college applications. I did so half-heartedly, expecting not to get into any of them, except maybe a community college.
That’s why I had to come to Europe this summer. The weight of the world hung on my shoulders and I couldn’t handle disappointing my dad again. I know he loves me, and he wants the best for me, but I frustrate the shit out of him.
Gavin and I stand in front of the Pantheon, taking in the architecture and magnificence of the structure, when he wraps his arms around my middle and pulls me into his chest.
“Something going on in that pretty head of yours?” his hand ruffles the top of my hair, voice soft and sweet, full of concern.
I want to laugh out loud. If only he knew the irony of that statement. Nope. Just a pretty head.
“Nah. Just thinking about what’s going on back home,” I quasi-lie, biting my lip and dropping my chin toward the ground. “I haven’t heard from anyone for a few days, not even Kylah. I don’t think anyone misses me. Out of sight, out of mind, I guess. I’m sure they’re just glad I’m not around.”
I know I’m a walking contradiction. Part of me wants to express my independence by traipsing half-way across the globe leaving them all behind to worry. Yet, the other part of me complains over the fact that I want them to miss me. To prove to me that I do matter to them.
FML.
Gavin must sense my inner turmoil, because he steps in front of me in a flash, lifting my chin to meet his eyes. Today they express the warm, brown earth of the Tuscan wine country. Gazing into them feels like a place to put roots down.
“Hey,” he consoles. “This isn’t the girl I’ve gotten to know. You’re Kady Griffin. You take the world by storm and don’t give a fuck about conventionality. If you’re feeling bad or homesick, or whatever, why don’t you call them? I guarantee they miss you, but they’ve probably all been busy.”
His large forearm appears between us as he looks down at the time on his watch.
“It’s just after eight o’clock back home. Get out your phone, go over to that alcove away from the crowds and call them,” he points to a shaded corner area next to the Pantheon. “Talk to your sister. Your mom. Whoever. I’ll go sit down over there and wait for you.”
He plants a kiss at the top of my head, making his way down my face to press his lips gently to mine. A shiver of something passes through my body.
Gavin has turned into my buoy in the storm. My gentle giant. A man I didn’t expect to need in my life. A grounding presence.
Nodding my head in acquiesce, I walk toward the uncrowded area around the side of building, extracting my phone as I do. I turn to look behind me a few times to keep tabs on Gavin and find that he’s settled himself on a seat next to a family of five and a bus tour group, all snapping pictures in reverence and delight.
Gavin waves and I smile, feeling a tug of gratefulness in my chest.
Pulling up my contact list, I know exactly who I’ll call.
Without a doubt, she’s the one who listens, gives me advice and doesn’t judge. Never has. Even when I’ve done crazy-ass things that she thinks are dangerous and bad for me. That’s just who she is.We are night and day different, but she is my other half – the more responsible of the two of us.
