‘The electricity’s gone for the whole village, it looks like. Who knows when we’ll next have hot water? Get in. I won’t look.’ To encourage him, she slapped a hand over her eyes above a wicked grin.
His shyness was all the reminder she needed that she didn’t yet know him all that well, in spite of everything that had happened. They needed to go back to baby steps again, feeling their way around each other, and that included sharing the things she’d been reluctant to share before.
She knew Magnús was grinning too as he threw his clothes to the floor and clambered into the tub, because she peeped through the gap in her fingers. The glimpse of his broad shoulders and flexing delts as he lowered himself into the water made her want to bite her lip and turn her eyes bashfully to the ceiling. His skin glistened in the candlelight as he scooped water into his hands and rubbed it over his face, making his lashes spike and turning Alex’s insides soft and wanting. All the while, the rain pattered icily in near horizontal sheets at the steamy bathroom window.
‘It’s a bit of a squeeze,’ she told him, lifting her hand from her eyes at the sensation of their bare skin touching and their long limbs tangling underwater.
Something in Magnús’s demeanour told her he had to get words out of the way before he could truly relax in here with her.
‘The men at the beach,’ he said after a moment’s pause. ‘Jowan told me they were your family?’
Without hesitating, Alex unburdened herself of the whole story, taking quick sips of hot chocolate every now and then. She found she couldn’t hide her sadness from Magnús at losing the family she’d been so content with, and she choked up when talking about Eve, but there was nowhere near the same pain when she explained how her three-and-a-half-year relationship with Ben had ended.
‘I’m not surprised he cheated, actually. Things haven’t been right for a long time. He knew that long before I’d figured it out. It wasn’t fair to stay with him when we weren’t happy. So,’ she shrugged, making the water ripple in waves over her breastbone and shoulders, ‘it’s over, and for the first time in a long time, there’s just me.’
‘Well, here’s to just you.’ Magnús held out his mug and they clanked their hot chocolates together and drank.
‘So, what have you done all day?’ she asked. ‘Did you open the shop?’
‘Open the shop? First of all, nobody’s shopping in a storm. Second, you’d left without saying goodbye. I didn’t know what to think, but I knew, deep in here,’ he touched his hand to his chest, ‘you didn’t belong with those people and… I wanted you back. When you didn’t come, I tried to leave, but something stopped me. I—’
The buzz of his phone on the bathroom floor stopped him, and he reached down to read the message.
How’d it go? Did you find her? My missus wants to know. Hope you did, mate. Merry Christmas. Uber Tony.
Magnús sniffed a laugh at the screen.
‘Who’s that?’ Alex asked.
‘Our fan club,’ he told her, still smiling to himself. ‘Doesn’t matter.’ He waved the interruption away, but Alex was already moving their conversation on.
‘They kind of flustered me into leaving with them, and a big part of me wanted to go, in a way, but then I woke up. I can’t explain it any other way. I woke up and knew I had to get back here.’
Magnús listened carefully.
‘I realised something when I was walking back here,’ she added.
‘What’s that?’
‘I’m not fixed yet.’
‘Are you supposed to be fixed?’ said Magnús.
‘I don’t know,’ she shrugged. ‘I need something of my own, something that’s mine that I can be proud of. Not something external that other people can give to me. Even you.’ She added these last words, unable to meet Magnús’s eyes. ‘We can spend this week together, and that’s great – beautiful, even – but I still need a life of my own. I need to fix myself up.’
Magnús was nodding. He understood. ‘I feel the same.’
‘You do?’
‘I was so happy yesterday,’ he told her, his eyes glazing a little at the memory. ‘I thought I had it all. But all it took was you leaving this morning and it all just came crashing back over me. I can’t recover from how sad I am to have lost my bookshop. I know it sounds pathetic, you could say egotistical. Like, why should I be any different from all the other people losing their businesses? But I need something else too.’ He seemed to think hard then added, ‘Something bigger than being happy. I need something bigger even than making you laugh, even though that feels amazing, something bigger than making you…’ His words faltered again and he looked away.
‘Go on.’
‘Making you orgasm.’
‘Hah!’ Alex laughed and brought her hands to her cheeks to hide the blush.
Magnús pressed on, caught up in his thoughts. ‘Even though these are things I want. There’s more inside of me that needs to be fixed, and I still don’t know how to do it.’
