Just nipping to Waitrose to recce the smoked salmon for Christmas Day. Did you prefer the smoked slices with dill or the moussey parcel things we had last year? You decide, love, Mum
Mrs Thomas had sent it while Alex had been ferrying and, unbeknown to them both, her son had been doing his best to delve into Eve’s knickers.
Alex ran her thumb over the word ‘Mum’. She wanted to ring her there and then and tell her she’d be back soon and not to forget about her, and not to stop calling herself Mum no matter what she’d heard from Ben, but that was impossible now. She wasn’t her mum. They weren’t going to be a cosy family any more. Tears blurred her vision as she scrolled and clicked the next message.
Where are you? I’m at my place on my own. Will wait until you get here. I can explain everything when I see you. It definitely wasn’t how it looked. I promise. I love you. Come back. Ben x
He must have sent it when she was newly put to sea and with a weak signal. It hadn’t got through to her at the time. Alex blinked hard.It wasn’t how it looked?How could the evidence of her eyes be wrong? Ben had been holding Eve’s face in his hands and the whole thing had looked horribly heated and intense.
Was he really going to gaslight her? Did he expect her to believe she’d read it all wrong and he wasinnocentlypawing at another woman in her living room? And at lunch time on a Monday, too, which made it all the more insulting.
Alex couldn’t remember the last time she and Ben had done anything remotely romantic on a Monday lunchtime, or in the daytime for that matter. Kissing was a Friday night after the pub, lights off and under the duvet kind of thing with them now – had been since the start, if she was honest with herself.
The whole awful shambles was beginning to feel painfully real, unavoidably so. Here were the consequences of her actions coming to get her and they stung. She kept scrolling.
The next message alarmed her so much that her heart thumped and her face flushed. It was from Bryony Blackwell, sent two days ago.
Please confirm co-ords. Radio contact lost with Dagalien. Other shipping sightings: Penzance harbour; Lamorna Cove; Longships; Cape Cornwall; Godrevy; last seen off Boscastle, Dec 17th. All stations alerted 19thDecember 8pm.
A second message from Bryony showed as being sent from a different phone.
Please just ring me, Alex. We heard about Ben and Eve. In fact, he ran down the quay after you with no shoes on. If you’re licking your wounds just let me know. They’re planning a search, launching Christmas Eve, if no further sightings.
So shehadbeen spotted on her mad dash north, lots of times. How could she have been so conceited to think a missing boat wouldn’t cause a commotion? It had been a few days between the last sighting of theDagalienand the storm that sent her into Clove Lore, so chances were that nobody knew she was there, and there was no harbourmaster in the village to record her arrival and tip Bryony off.
Alex tapped out a reply, the sickly sense of panic and shame still stealing her breath away.
I’m fine. No search needed. Tell Ben’s parents as well. I’m so sorry. Please don’t worry, Alex.
She sent the message into the ether and scrolled on, feeling wicked and selfish for worrying everyone. Everyone except Ben, maybe.
I understand you wanting to get away but if you’d just ring me I can explain. I miss you so much! Please say you’re all right. I miss you. I love you. Ben, x
There were a further three from him, all sounding increasingly desperate. One said he knew he’d hurt her but they could sort it out, he was sure of it. A second told her it wasn’t fair leaving Lizzo Johnstone to run the only other Port Kernou ferry all by herself (that had only made Alex swear), and there was a third and final plea that she come home for Christmas, telling her his mum and dad were frantic. Alex held back guilty tears at this.
The message to Bryony would quickly put a stop to all the worry. She’d have received it by now and would be relaying it to everyone in Port Kernou. There’d be no need for the Christmas Eve search. The thought of wasting resources pained her. Thank God they hadn’t started a search yet. Alex understood the cost of each lifeboat launch, and the risks too.
Ugh!She’d been thinking only of herself while a whole village – well, maybe not a whole village, but a handful of people – were wondering where she was. There’d be plenty gossip too.
She pictured the barflies at the pub saying how she’d caught Ben at it with the new girl from the post office and run off, furious and mad. She knew how these things went and somehow she’d be the crazy woman in all of this.
There was another message from Ben’s mum, begging her not to let her boy’s ‘silly mistake’ keep her away from ‘her family’. That was the last message, sent yesterday.
It struck her now, how few people had her mobile number, and how small her life had shrunk. Something deep within her cruelly told her that if she kept scrolling there’d be a message from her father telling her that he loved her and advising her what to do. This was of course impossible and ridiculous. Alex sobbed over her phone, worrying how detached from reality she had become, how selfish and stupid she’d been.
The last of the notifications cluttered the screen. She had voice messages. Eight of them were from Ben, all saying the same thing as his texts. Her heart only hardened, hearing his voice. What right did he have to cry like that? Finally, there was a message she was not expecting.
‘Lex, it’s me.’
She gasped at the sound of her friend’s voice. It was Eve, obviously nervous.
‘I know you don’t want to hear from me but please, just listen. The whole thing was my fault. I’d had another fight with Maxwell and come round to see if you were home for lunch. I was upset and you know how lonely I get and it just sort of happened. We barely had time to think and then you were there and… I swear we didn’t do anything. He was in pieces, ran straight out the house after you, but you were gone. I haven’t seen him since, I swear, but everyone knows he’s distraught. He’s been sitting by your mooring waiting for you. Me, Maxwell and Stevie are leaving. So if it’s me stopping you coming home then you don’t have to worry. I’ve put in my notice at the post office and we’re going back to Maxwell’s mum’s at Truro. We’re going to try starting over again,again.So, Lex, come home. Ben’s waiting for you and it’s Christmas and… I’m just so sorry.’ She sighed shakily and the message ended.
Alex hit delete.
‘Itjust sort of happened?’ Alex said through gritted teeth. ‘Theybarely had time to think?’ Alex threw her phone on the bed and spat a long string of expletives into her pillow, making sure Jowan wouldn’t hear.
Her tears turned to the hot angry kind, mixed in with searing shame and guilt at all the trouble her disappearance had caused. At least now she’d fixed that. Bryony would have put out a call to all shipping and she’d be forgotten about, like all those castaways and runaways who disappear over the horizon in all the old books are eventually forgotten, and life goes on without them.
