Chapter Twenty-Two
The shop is devoid of visitors and I can hear Elliot clomping from the café to greet us.
‘Oh, I thought you were customers,’ he says, rubbing his hands on the apron that’s folded in half around his waist, showing his inky blue shirt, open at the collar, the sleeves rolled up.
He must have changed out of the floury clothes at some point this morning. The baseball cap’s gone too and his hair’s tied back messily. My heart hurts at the sight of him and I’m suddenly aware the temperature in the shop is notably chilly compared to the sunny street.
‘I,um, I’m just grabbing my stuff. We’re staying at the Siren tonight,’ I say, hiking my thumb in the direction of the spiral stairs.
‘Uh-huh,’ Elliot says quietly, nodding.
‘I’ll get us some water,’ Daniel announces, a little too loudly, and makes a hasty exit for the shop kitchen.
‘Will you be back tomorrow?’ Elliot asks me.
‘In the morning. I’ll have to bake.’
‘Of course.’ Elliot nods, lifting a hand to the back of his neck where it stays and we just look at each other stupidly, stuck to the floor, immobilised with the heaviness of whatever this feeling is. Sadness, mainly, on my part.
I don’t know what Elliot’s thinking but he’s looking panicked, and shifty too. I see his eyes flit to the little kitchen at the sound of Daniel running the tap.
‘Was everything all right while I was away?’ I say.
‘Oh, sure. The bookshop was busy before lunch, then it went quiet. I sold some scones.’ His eyebrows rise showing a flash of pride that quickly fades. ‘None of the fairy cakes went though. They might have to go in the bin.’
‘Right.’ I laugh weakly before reminding myself why I’m here, and I turn for the stairs. Elliot doesn’t move and I’m aware of him watching me as I bound up the spiral.
Once I’ve grabbed the things I need for a night at the Siren and Daniel’s joined me at the top of the stairs where we both silently down a glass of water, we make our way back out into the sunshine. The shop’s empty as we leave. Elliot’s back in the café, and I don’t feel the need to tell him we’re going.
‘Jude!’ The sound of my name called, deep and alarmed, from the shop doorway, makes me freeze in the middle of the little square by the palm tree, and I turn slowly on the heel of my Converse. Daniel bows out without a word, squeezing my arm encouragingly, before making his way onto the sloping street and leaving me to face Elliot alone.
‘Jude,’ he repeats, bounding down the shop steps and coming to stand in front of me. His chest’s heaving like he’s been on a long run and I momentarily drop my eyes at the sight of his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows hard.
‘Yes?’ I say, eyes fixed down at the ground, hoping I’m coming across as unmoved and stony, when really I’m telling my hands to stay jammed by my sides in case they reach for him.
When I glance up, wondering what the silence is about, I see Elliot’s mouth moving but there’s no sound coming out, and his brow furrows in frustration.
‘What is it, Elliot? Daniel’s waiting for me.’ There it is again, the feeling of wanting to cry right here in front of him. This man’s made me the happiest I’ve ever been, and the saddest too. How can he not know that?
I watch Elliot’s eyes flash as the words come to him, then a moment’s hesitation strikes, before he swallows again and bites his lip, angry and frustrated.As ifhe has the right to be either of those things.
‘Jude… I… I will never not be thinking about you.’ There’s desperation and resignation in his voice, and he jams his fists into his pockets and hangs his head. I’m winded by the force of the exclamation, but the words don’t help me feel any better.
Silence eats up all the feelings in my chest. All I can do is nod. I can’t do this right now, whateverthisis. We can talk tomorrow, if that’s what he’s trying to tell me he wants to do.
I turn away, hiding the tears in my eyes, and I find Daniel waiting for me in the shade of the passageway that leads to Down-along. He comes for me, slipping his hand around mine, like a dad collecting his little girl from school, and I let him lead me away.
‘Let’s go to the bar,’ he says calmly.
As we’re about to disappear from Elliot’s sight I glance back, feeling apologetic somehow, only to see Elliot staring hard at me, his jaw tight and his amber eyes pained.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Daniel and me are the first to arrive at the Siren for the book club. Bella is laying out two big platters of sandwiches on the pushed-together tables with chairs set out all around them off to one side of the bar.
‘Sorry I haven’t read the book,’ Daniel tells her, and she twinkles back at him, saying it doesn’t matter, half the group wouldn’t have either.
‘Where is everyone?’ Finan asks his wife as he brings over the jug of beer and the tray of glasses. ‘Minty’s normally the first one here.’
