‘Can I open it?’ Nari asks, passing him the mug before pulling at the ribbon.
Inside the paper lies a carved bear, standing tall on its grizzled legs, looking upwards as though searching the sky.
‘You made this? For me?’
‘Uh-huh. Out on the last trail, before you arrived.’
‘Oh right, so you didn’t carve it for me exactly, you didn’t even know me then,’ Nari says teasingly, smiling at the gift.
Niilo doesn’t dare tell her how he’d known she was coming to him, but just hadn’t met her then, or how he’d felt compelled to set to work on the bear that very day.
‘Well, it’s beautiful, thank you, Niilo. I’ll treasure it.’ She turns to kiss him, stretching her neck to reach the tip of his nose, making him smile. ‘You should really sell these. You could make a fortune.’
‘Then I would no longer enjoy making them. I believe in the beauty of one of a kind.’
They fall contentedly silent as they hold each other in the little warm bedroom beneath the patchwork quilt made one winter long ago by four pairs of hands under that very roof.
‘We should sleep. I’ll be getting on a plane soon.’ Nari’s voice is low and grave.
‘And I’ll be heading out on the wilderness trail again tomorrow morning with a new group. Five nights camping out.’ He places the mug on the table by the bed and stretches his arms out, stifling a lawn. ‘I’d rather stay here with you. The trails are getting old now. I must have spent half my life sleeping in tents and driving sleds.’
She hears him breathe a sigh. ‘Don’t think about it now. Think about that tomorrow. Let’s just sleep.’
‘Goodnight, Nari Bell.’
She wriggles down under the covers, letting Niilo mould himself to the shape of her back, warm and curved. He listens to her breathing, and says softly, ‘I’ll miss you.’
‘Mmm, me too,’ she replies dreamily, still clasping the carved bear to her heart.
As he holds her, the thoughts of the day before re-emerge and after a long time spent brooding over them, he finds himself whispering them to Nari in the darkness.
‘I’ll miss you terribly. But it’s only right that you leave, go back to your travels and your work. You have a whole new year ahead of you where you can do anything and go anywhere. I’ll be right here, rooted to the earth, my home, and my routine at the resort. You know, Stellan had a girlfriend once, Karin, and she tried to live here with him, but it was too much to ask. She got tired of always waiting for Stellan, and one day she left, went back to Stockholm, and she was right to. He was messed up for a long time after she left, but I don’t think it ever occurred to him to go and see her. He was too busy here. Like me.’
He places a soft kiss on Nari’s shoulder blade with a sigh. ‘I knew if we met, and if we touched, I’d fall in love. I told you I used to think that nobody could be lonely and waiting like I was, before you. I used to be convinced that if the right person were to present themselves to me, if they pressed their fingers to my chest, I’d melt like snow falling on the flowing river. That person is you. I knew that if I let you touch me, I’d be scattered into particles that would burst in the sky like the aurora. I was right. And I knew it would be harder to say goodbye. And all along I knew I’d risk making you feel miserable, or guilty – or, even worse, make you feel as though I’m here judging you for being free and having a life of your own out there. I don’t want to clip your wings, those are what I love about you most, Nari.’
He waits for her reply, her acknowledgement that she understands what he’s saying; that he’s sending her on her way tomorrow morning and it pains him, but that he wants her to live her life, full of fun and adventure, and sometimes think fondly of him.
‘Nari?’
But she was asleep, breathing softly.
A wry smile spreads on his face in the darkness, and he sinks deep into thought. Perhaps it’s for the best that she never knows the depths of his feelings for her. She’ll leave tomorrow and be happy. She doesn’t need to know how he’ll pine and ache.
Just then, a blue flash of light flickers from the floor. Nari’s phone. It must be Sylvie in a frantic panic, wondering why Nari hasn’t returned to her cabin. Carefully, he frees his arms, leaving Nari to roll away, smiling in her sleep. He tucks the quilt around her then reaches for the phone. A quick reply to say she was safely with him would suffice, he thinks.
But instead of a panicked message from Sylvie, there’s a tiny thumbnail picture of a smiling man, older than Nari, wearing dark shades, smart in a white collar and tie. Beneath the image was his message.
My advisors tell me I can’t enter the UK until the spring. Don’t ask. Tax reasons. So London’s off, sorry. I’ve arranged a charter from Manchester airport on New Year’s Eve for you. Come meet me in Grand Cayman for some fireworks, lobster and a champagne sunrise on the beach? No pressure, but I hope you come. My pilot is at your disposal, Stephen, x
Niilo replaces the phone where Nari will find it, and Stephen’s message, tomorrow. ‘Of course,’ he whispers with a nod of acceptance. ‘Of course.’
He swallows down the lump in his throat, and slips beneath the covers once more. For the next few hours he can hold her as she sleeps, and then his life will return to the way it had always been, only colder.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Lying on the rug in front of the dying fire, face to face, our robes long since chucked into a crumpled pile at our feet, we’re whispering.
‘I’ve loved being here, thank you for bringing me.’
