“I’m thinking that maybe driving in cars isn’t so bad after all.”
Chapter 18
Lena
I’ve no idea what just came over me. As we drive away, Mia still fast asleep in the back, it almost feels as though nothing happened. Only the dampness between my legs and the soreness that comes with great, rough sex tells me I wasn’t imagining things, that it wasn’t some daydream or fantasy.
Judge is as unreadable as ever. I feel as if I’ll become addicted to seeing behind his mask. Because I know that, for a brief time, I made him let go of the control that he clings to.
I still can’t quite believe it. I’ve been with four different men in the space of a week. I don’t know how I should feel. Society tells me I should be ashamed. But I don’t feel like I’ve done anything wrong. I feel emboldened. We’re all consenting adults. And though the men are all good friends, they aren’t jealous of each other; they’ve made it perfectly clear that they are happy to share.
Even so, I worry about how Rex will react, what he will think. He was fine with Cole and Doc, but he was there for both of them. Will he be upset that I slept with Judge alone? I’m so new to this whole polyamory thing, I have no idea what I should and shouldn’t be doing. Surely Judge wouldn’t have slept with me if he thought it would hurt Rex, though?
I fret over this the whole car ride home. Judge looks over at me from the corner of his eye. “Don’t worry, Rex won’t be upset,” he says, as if he knows exactly what’s on my mind.
“How do you do that?”
“Do what?”
“Know exactly what I’m thinking.”
He almost chuckles, a sharp exhale of breath. “I don’t. But I’ve become quite good at reading people over the years.”
I nod, understanding. “You’re always watching everyone. Half the time, it’s like you blend in with the shadows.”
“I prefer it that way.”
“So, Rex won’t be mad, the others too. About what we just did?”
“Quite the opposite,” he replies with a knowing smile.
“How can they be? I mean, why?” I’ve never known guys to be so trusting. To share so freely without jealousy.
Again, almost as if reading my mind, Judge replies. “Don’t get me wrong, if you hooked up with some other dude, we’d beat the shit out of the guy and you’d be out the door. Cole can be pretty possessive, we all can. But not with each other. It’s hard to put into words the bond we share. Most women we’ve dated have been put off by it, knowing our sexual preferences, even if we’re monogamous. If we each found the perfect woman, that would be great, too. But we like sharing, and if we fall for the same woman, that’s fine by us. Lena, what I’m saying is, whatever happens next is your choice. Whatever you decide, we’ll respect it.”
It’s the most I’ve ever heard Judge speak. I’m a little awed by it. He’s so succinct and clear, explaining himself well without judgment or shame. I don’t really know how to respond, so I just nod and thank him, losing myself in thought. I know I need to make a decision soon about whether there really is a future in all this.
When we arrive home, Cole, Rex, and Doc are there waiting for us, sitting in the living room.
“Where were you?” Cole explodes, jumping up from his chair.
“I’ll take Mia up to bed,” Judge murmurs.
We’ve been gone all day. It took a while to travel to and from the hospital, and when you factor in stopping for food, spending hours with Big Joe, and our impromptu romp in the woods, it’s already dusk. I wonder how long the guys have been back, wondering where we all went.
“We were worried something had happened. That Zeke had found you,” Doc explains rationally.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t think… We were visiting Big Joe in the hospital, and time kind of got away from us. I thought Judge would have told you,” I offer lamely.
“Sure, if you count a message saying, ‘Going out. Lena and Mia are safe,’ as perfectly fine and not a cause for concern,” Cole says sarcastically.
Judge reappears, looking sheepish.
“I should beat the shit outta you for disobeying orders and then ignoring my calls,” Cole snarls at Judge, getting in his face. “Why the fuck didn’t you answer?”
While this is happening, I notice Rex prowling over to me like a caged lion. “Because they were fucking,” Rex says.
My cheeks flush scarlet as I realize Rex can literally smell sex on me, so much for not being mad about it. He seems livid. Doc chuckles and looks appreciatively at us, as if only now noticing our rumpled clothes and hair, my lips swollen from his kisses. Cole’s attention snaps to me as he takes me in before looking back at Judge, who confirms it with the slightest of nods.
