What the hell was I thinking?
As if it wasn’t wild enough that Rex and I are tentatively rekindling things, something I never thought would happen, but then I’m having sex with Cole and now Doc, too? Of course, both times Rex seemed into it, even encouraged it, but this isn’t a viable relationship dynamic. It can’t be, can it?
And yet…
I want it to be. God help me, but I can’t help the way I feel. I can’t stop myself from enjoying them all.
What kind of woman does that make me?
It’s early, too early even for my energetic early-rising child to be up. The sun has not yet risen, and Mia is still peacefully sleeping in the bed beside me. As I lie there, listening to the steady sound of her breath and watching her slumber, I wonder if Rex will forgive me for lying, for hiding her from him. Will he want to be a part of her life, even if he doesn’t want a relationship with me? Do I want that? Part of me feels as though it will kill me to have to see him, to be near him but not be with him, but the other part knows I will endure anything for my little girl. I want her to have a father figure in her life. Of course, Big Joe has been a male presence up until now, but it’s not the same.
Now that Zeke has found me, and he knows for sure I’m under the protection of the Soaring Eagles, I wonder if that means I can visit Big Joe in the hospital. Surely even Zeke wouldn’t stoop as low as to attack a hospital? I resolve to ask the guys today.
It seems surreal that Zeke would start a war over me. It’s been three years since I rejected him, a long time to hold a grudge. What is it about me that’s made him have such a dogged determination to find and punish me? What does he intend to do once he has me? I can’t imagine it’s anything good. Part of me feels tempted to initiate contact, to see if there’s a way we can work things out without any more fighting. If Zeke were a reasonable man, it would be the logical thing to do. But Zeke is not, and I fear that the years have only made him insane, for only a madman would start a war over a woman rejecting him.
My musings are disturbed by Mia waking. As usual, she is a ball of energy, immediately wanting to get up and go. I spend the rest of the morning taking care of her needs. It’s only after I’ve dressed her, fed her, and played games for a while before giving in and letting her watch her favorite cartoon that I realize none of the guys are up yet, which is unusual. It’s too late for any of them to be still sleeping, surely, I think.
Almost as if he’s read my mind, Judge appears, materializing behind me and making me jump. “Morning.”
“Hey, you made me jump.”
He frowns, as if the information is disconcerting yet commonplace to him, which I suppose it is. “Sorry. Have you been up long?”
“A fair while,” I reply, shrugging. “Lie-ins are a thing of the past when you have a two-year-old. Speaking of which, is everyone else still in bed?”
He shakes his head. “No. The others had to leave early on business.”
My eyebrows shoot up in disbelief. “I was up before the sun had even risen and didn’t hear them leave. They must have left in the middle of the night.”
“Or their departure is what woke you, your subconscious heard it, but by the time you were conscious, they’d left.” Judge suggests.
“So, is it just us today then, or will they be back soon?”
“I imagine they’ll be gone all day,” Judge offers vaguely.
I wonder what they’re doing and if Judge would tell me if I asked. Deciding he probably wouldn’t, I opt to ask a favor instead. “Do you think we could go to visit Big Joe in the hospital today, then? You could take us, couldn’t you?”
Judge looks uncomfortable, torn between wanting to please me and obeying his instructions to stay and protect me. “I’m not sure it’s a good idea for you to leave the house.”
“I already left the house once before,” I point out.
“Yeah, and look how that turned out,” he replies dryly.
Damn it, he’s got a point—new tactic.
“Zeke isn’t going to attack us at a hospital.” Judge remains unconvinced, but I press on, undeterred. “Big Joe will be worried about us. Please, he’s like family to us.”
I think that Judge is still going to refuse, but then Mia looks up at us. “Pop-Pop?” she says hopefully, looking around as if he might be hiding somewhere.
Judge’s expression softens, and I know he can’t resist Mia. “Alright, we’ll go. But if there’s any sign of Zeke or hismen, or anything I don’t like, we leave with no questions asked. Alright?”
“Sir, yes, sir!” I reply with a mock salute, teasing him for his seriousness.
“I mean it, Lena, if I say we’re leaving, even if we’ve only been there five minutes, we go,” he says sternly.
“I understand. I promise we’ll go when you say we have to.”
***
