“Don’t try to deny it, Lena, no more lies. I know she’s mine.” From his pocket, he produces a piece of paper, and he thrusts it toward me.
It’s a paternity test. It’s written there, as clear as day, the truth I’ve hidden from him. Mia is Rex’s daughter. I can’t deny it. Despite how mad he is at me, how shitty and guilty I feel for lying to him. I also feel an immense sense of relief. Mia isn’t Zeke’s child. However, I don’t let that show. I’m pissed as hell at Rex for getting a paternity test done without my permission. If he’d asked me again about Mia, I would have cracked and told the truth; I just never found the right time.
“How did you get this?” I demand. “I can’t believe you went behind my back to do a paternity test. How did you even get the DNA to do the test?”
“I didn’t. I would never have done that. I trusted you. It seems I was a fool to do so. Cole was right to follow his suspicions and run a paternity test,” Rex snaps.
“Cole was the one who did it?”
“Yes, they just got the results today.”
“I can’t believe Cole would do that,” I say, though that isn’t true. I can hardly blame him for doubting me either. I lied to all of them.
“That’s not the point. Cole was just doing his job as president. Since there was an accusation that Mia was the child of a rival president, he had to know. And he was acting as my friend, he was trying to protect me,” he says, waving me away. Though based on the raised voices I heard earlier, Rex wasn’t so quick to accept Cole’s decision. The fact that Rex didn’t do this makes me feel even worse for breaking his trust. “Why did you lie to me?”
“Because I wasn’t ready to tell you yet. I would have told you eventually.” I wish I believed that wholeheartedly, but there’s a part of me that considered not telling him.
“Would you have told me? Or is that another lie? You just said earlier you were considering leaving, that you thought that running far away and hiding might be the safest option for Mia. If you believed that, you had no intention of telling me. You were going to run away again, this time with my daughter.Mychild that you’ve hidden from me for three years.”
He’s right. I was thinking of leaving without telling him. I know it was unfair and wrong of me.
“Mia ismine. I’m her mother. I gave birth to her, and I’ve raised her alone for the past two and a bit years,” I stubbornly insist.
If I’m being brutally honest with myself, part of the reason I haven’t told Rex yet is that I have been feeling loath to share my precious child. I knew that once he found out the truth, Mia would no longer belong only to me. Mia is the best thing to have ever happened to me, the only real family I’ve ever had, and the only constant in my life. I was scared to lose that, to share her with anyone.
“Because you didn’t give me the chance to be in her life!” Rex explodes. “You believed the lies some woman you didn’t know told you, a woman I’d made clear I didn’t trust, over me, and then you ran and hid my child from me. Is that why you really left? Did you know you were pregnant?”
“No. No, I swear, I only found out once I’d gone. But I couldn’t come back; it would only make things worse for you, for the family I believed you had. I know it was foolish, but I promise you I believed everything Mary Beth told me.”
“Fine, but why did you continue to lie to me once you came back?”
“I was mad at you, I still thought you’d betrayed me. I didn’t know if I could trust you with Mia. I was going to tell you.” The words sound hollow even to me.
“But you didn’t. Not even after you found out every word Mary Beth said was a lie. Why didn’t you tell me the truth then?” he asks, wounded.
“I wanted to, but then there wasn’t the right time. I’ve spent days agonizing over it, wondering how to admit the truth to you. I wanted to make the right choice by Mia, too.” I almost admit that I was worried Mia was Zeke’s, but then I hold back. I’m still not ready to tell him what Zeke did to me.
“You mean you weren’t sure if I’m good enough to be her dad and whether or not you should stay,” Rex says bitterly.
His harsh words are valid; those thoughts did cross my mind. I feel like shit. I feel so guilty. Especially after he came to my room tonight and spoke to me, when he proclaimed his love for me and Mia, and how he wanted to be a father to her, even though he didn’t think she was his flesh and blood.
“I’m sorry.” I offer hopelessly. There’s no excusing what I’ve done.
“Me too,” Rex replies with a sigh. He turns his back on me and leaves the room. I hear his heavy footfall on the stairs as he goes up to his room. I don’t follow him. I have no right to.
I wonder if I’ve ruined it, if this tentative relationship is over before it has even begun. Rex has offered me everything I want, so why am I afraid to take it? Am I sabotaging myself because I’m scared to love, scared to leap into the unknown? Am I being a coward?
Now that the truth is out, everything will change. Regardless of what happens between us, Rex has the right to be involved in his daughter’s life and make decisions about her. But he might never forgive me. We may never regain what we once had. In trying to protect Mia, have I inadvertently created the exact kind of home life I never wanted her to have? I was running from Rex because I didn’t want his daughter, who didn’t even exist, to live in a broken home, and I’ve now made that situation become a reality for our child, his real daughter.
How could I have been so stupid?
Doc walks into the kitchen to find me crying, my head resting on my arms, huddled over the table. “Are you okay?”
“No. I’ve ruined everything,” I mumble through my hands, not lifting my head. I don’t want him to see my tearstained face.
He comes to sit beside me, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder. “No, you haven’t. Rex will be alright, just give him time. He’ll forgive you eventually.”
“Will he want to be in Mia’s life?”
