‘He’s dark, Scarlett. He’s cagey.’
I turn on my heels, fighting against unsteadiness to face her. ‘Why don’t you just spit out what you’re trying to say, Amanda?’
‘Do you know why he really killed Kevin Pearson? You just accept that his father came after him, tried to kill him for no reason and Gregory shot him.’ She stands now and braces herself on the table with two hands. ‘Not just shot him, Scarlett, shot him at point-blank range. Cold-blooded murder.’
‘Shut up. Shut up!’ Tears spring to the back of my eyes and the words are on the tip of my tongue. I want to tell her. I want to tell everyone that Gregory is a good man and I am the cold-blooded killer. And that I know why I did it. I might not know everything, not yet, but what Idoknow is I shot Kevin Pearson because otherwise, Gregory would be dead.
The room begins to sway with the mix of tequila, fighting with Amanda and the crashing home of the stark reality that I’m a killer. I’m no longer ordinary Scarlett Heath who plays by the rules. I killed another human being and I’m letting the man I love with every single cell in my body take the blame. A man who can’t tell me he’s fallen for me too. A man who despises himself so much, he wants to be punished for my crime. My chest is suddenly tight and painful as I try to take a breath in. I slap a hand against my chest in an attempt to ease the pain. I need air.
Pushing through the full room of people, I make my way to the exit. At the staircase, I hear her calling my name and find enough strength to stop and tell her not to follow me. I watch my blurred feet take the staircase as cautiously as my murky mind, breathless body and unsteady legs will allow. Downstairs, I find the smokers’ area outside and push my back against the cold brick wall, my lungs finally filling with air.
Without thinking, I dial his number and as I wait for him to pick up, the tears fall and sobs burst from my chest, relieving the pressure.
‘Are you ready, baby?’
I try to speak but I can’t. I hold the phone to my ear, willing myself to gain some composure but it won’t happen. I’m sobbing uncontrollably, the eyes of smokers on me as I slump to the ground on my hunkers.
‘Scarlett? Scarlett, what’s happened? Where are you?’
The words leave my mouth in chokes, breaking through my tears. ‘I don’t know who I am any more.’
‘Baby, please, where are you? What’s happened?’
‘Nothing. I’m fine.’
‘You don’t sound fucking fine, Scarlett. Has someone hurt you? Where are you?’
‘No. No one’s hurt me.’ I press my finger and thumb into the corners of my eyes to stop the tears but it works only momentarily, then another sob breaks the silence.No one except you,Gregory.‘I don’t know what to do.’
‘I’m coming to get you. Where are you?’
‘I’m at the same place you dropped me off.’
I can hear him moving quickly and I hear the rustle of keys, then the bang of a door.
‘Are there people around you?’ His voice is stricken with panic.
‘Yes. I’m okay. I’m in the smokers’ shelter outside.’ I sniffle back another onset of tears.
‘I’m getting in the car, baby. I’ll put you on speaker. Stay on the line for me. Can you do that?’
‘Yes. Gregory, people think you’re… that you’re a bad person, that you’re bad for me. I can’t stand it. I can’t stand that people think badly of you because of me and what I did. How can I do that to you?’ The sobs come back again with a vengeance. I press my face into my hand to mask myself from onlookers.
‘I don’t care what other people think, Scarlett. I only care what you think.’ I hear a horn sound down the phone. He must be driving like a man with rage. ‘Doyouthink I’m a bad person?’
‘No. But I think… I don’t know what I think.’ Pressing my fingers to my lips, I look to the roof of the outdoor canopy.
‘Scarlett? Are you there?’
‘Yes. I’m here.’
‘Keep talking to me, angel. I’m almost there.’
‘I think we’re bad for each other, Gregory. People should be together because they bring out the best in each other, shouldn’t they?’
‘You do bring out the best in me, Scarlett. You make me feel like a decent person. I’ve never felt like a decent person before. You give me more purpose than anything else in my life.’
My eyes fills again and now I don’t know if it’s because I want to hold him and tell him that I understand the pain he locks away – at least Iwantto understand – or if it’s frustration because I’m so utterly and completely lost.
