How the fuck did this happen?
I was careful with condoms. I’m always careful because I never wanted to be in this exact position. But here I am anyway.
It’s been hard to focus on anything, not even the music. I’m playing like shit, drinking too much, and I’ve been a complete bear to anyone and everyone around me. The guys are essentially oblivious, but I’ve caught a few glares from Ryleigh. And poor Kirsten, who’s so sweet in general, looked like I hurt her feelings at dinner last night when I said the hit song she performed with Onyx Knight was a sellout.
I need to apologize but I just can’t seem to get out of my own head.
My last conversation with Summer is playing on repeat, over and over, until I want to scream. Punch something. The only way I can fall asleep is by drinking myself into oblivion, but I can’t keep doing that, so something has to give.
Today we’re in St. Louis, and the girls dragged us to the damn arch. We rode some rickety-ass gondola type thing up to the top and everyone oohed and ahhed over the view. Blah blah fucking blah. I’m standing here at the top of the world, arms folded, wishing I was almost anywhere else.
Except, I don’t really know where I could be that would make me feel better.
It’s not when I’m on stage and it’s not when I’m with friends.
Fuck.
“Dude, could you be any more of a grumpy fuck?” Angus says to me as the girls go into picture-taking mode.
“Fuck you.”
He arches a brow. “Really?”
“What do you want from me? I said I didn’t want to come but they dragged me anyway and?—”
He cuts me off by grabbing my arm and pulling me away from the others.
“Look, I don’t know what crawled up your ass but knock it off. You’ve been an asshole for the last week and it needs to stop. For your own good, if not ours. You ever talk to Kirsten again the way you did last night, and Sam’s going to knock the shit out of you.”
“He can try,” I growl.
Angus stares at me, his eyes calculating, assessing.
He knows me a little too well so it’s not a surprise when he says, “Something’s going on. You want to talk about it?”
“Nothing anyone can do, so there’s no point,” I snap.
“Try me.”
“Not here,” I mutter.
“Dude.” His gaze is still sharp but I see the concern etched into his expression.
We’re friends.
Good friends.
Chosen family.
I shouldn’t be taking out my situation on anyone, least of all Angus.
“Look, I’ll apologize to Kirsten. Then maybe later, if you want to go get a beer, I’ll tell you what’s up.”
“Cool.” He nods and goes back to where Ryleigh is taking a selfie with the view of the city behind her.
Kirsten is doing something on her phone and I approach gingerly.
I really was a dick last night.
