“Why are you crying, sweetie?”
“Mom?” I lift my head in surprise.
“What’s wrong?” she asks, eyes completely in focus as she looks at me.
I don’t have a lot of time. She could be present for two minutes or two hours—there’s no rhyme or reason to when she has her moments of cognition.
“Mom, I’m pregnant,” I whisper, biting back more tears.
“Oh.” Her eyes widen a bit. “Tate?”
She remembers Tate?
I nod. “And he’s going to be upset.”
“You have to talk to him.”
“I’m scared. He won’t be happy. He’s on tour—we couldn’t even figure out a way for us to see each other again. How is he going to be a father?”
“Sometimes you just do the things you have to, even if it seems impossible. Kind of like me raising you after your father left. But we made it, right?”
“Should I get an abortion?” My voice is a harsh whisper, as if just saying the word is difficult.
“That’s up to you.” She cocks her head slightly. “Do you want to?”
“I don’t want to have to make that decision.”
“But you do have to. And that’s why you have to talk to Tate.”
“What if he wants nothing to do with it? Or with me?”
“Well, you’re smart and independent. You’re going to be a great mother. Whether it’s now or at a later date.”
“How can you say that? I barely keep my head above water between the house, insurance and maintenance on the car, and your medicine.”
“I know.” She continues stroking my hair and I let her because it’s been a long time since she did it.
“You really think I should tell Tate?”
“I think you know the answer.”
“I drove by the women’s clinic but I couldn’t get out of the car. I don’t know why.”
“You know why.”
“Mom, it’s not that simple!” I cry in frustration, tears streaming down my cheeks.
“No. Having a baby is never simple, and I hate that I won’t be here for you.” She pauses. “When was the last time I was…myself?”
“It’s been a few weeks.” I swipe at my tears and sniffle.
“How long has it been since my diagnosis?”
“Six years.”
She makes a face. “Christ. That long. And you’ve been taking care of me all this time?”
“You’re in a nursing home. I have to work, and you were a danger to yourself when you were alone.”
