‘Because she was pregnant with my baby,’ he said, the pain of his words and recalling the misery that lay behind them making him wince.
6
DAISY
Daisy flinched. ‘She had your baby?’
He cleared his throat. ‘No, she miscarried at five months,’ he murmured.
Daisy’s heart pounded at the shock of this news. She couldn’t think what to say.
‘After not hearing from you for over a year,’ he said, ‘Bella and I met up with each other when we were each out with friends in town. One thing led to another…’ He looked down at his feet and exhaled sharply. ‘I’m not proud of what I did. I still loved you, so it was unfair to Bella, which was why I felt doubly certain that I had to marry her when she told me she was pregnant.’ He sighed heavily. ‘I’m sorry, Daisy. It was a mistake and we both know that now.’
Daisy didn’t know what to say. ‘How heartbreaking for you both,’ she whispered, tearing her eyes away from the sadness in his. She turned and began walking. ‘I’m sorry for you and Bella, really I am,’ she said. ‘But I’m going to have to think about this.’ She was heartbroken to think of him preparing to be a father to another woman’s baby. How different to her own father who’d made promises to her mother he hadn’t kept. At least Gabe had stood by Bella and not let her down. It occurred to her that maybe she wouldn’t be so distrustful of others if her father had been around more. She had no right to feel badly towards Gabe when she had no claim on him, but she’d dreamt so many times of their future togetherand it always involved a brood of tousle-haired boys and girls playing on a sandy beach somewhere.
‘I really am sorry,’ he said, walking next to her.
She could tell he meant what he said. ‘It must have been a difficult time for you both.’ She struggled to resist from adding anything further, but her resentment of what he’d done overtook her best intentions. ‘You must have married pretty soon after sleeping together though.’
‘Three months,’ he said quietly. ‘We weren’t together long because as soon as she lost the baby, she told me she was returning to France and wanted to put the whole mess behind her.’
‘So, it was her choice to leave you?’
‘It was mutual,’ he said quietly. ‘I couldn’t help missing you and she wasn’t ready to settle down.’
‘Will your divorce be final soon?’ she asked, desperate to find something positive to cling to.
‘Not for a while, like I said.’ He moved to avoid collision with a small child on his bike.
‘Why not?’
‘Because in Jersey you have to be married for three years before you can start divorce proceedings.’
‘So, you can’t begin divorce proceedings for another two and a half years?’ He nodded. ‘How can I think about getting back together with you while you’re still married? I grew up with occasional visits from my father because he married someone else soon after my mother became pregnant with me. I’ve told you this already,’ she said, not enjoying being so open about her issues with her past. ‘I’m sorry, but I can’t contemplate seeing a married man now; it’s too close to home.’
‘I’m sorry about what happened between your parents, Daisy, and I can’t imagine how you feel, but this is different. My marriage to Bella is over in all but name. It’s a legality, nothing more,’ he said. ‘Seeing you again has brought back all the feelings I had for you when wewere away. I want to try and make things work between us.’
‘How?’ she asked, sensing a laugh rising up through her body, or maybe she was about to cry.
‘I don’t know,’ he said, taking her hands in his. ‘But I’ll work something out. I promise.’
She swallowed and looked down from his face. She wanted him so much, but this was so complicated. Daisy pushed her resentment away, instantly feeling guilty for being so selfish. Maybe she was just jealous. After all it wasn’t really Gabe’s fault that things between them had turned out to be more complicated than she’d expected. She hadn’t exactly been open with him about Aaron and her issues, and her resentment of her father wasn’t his fault.
‘I think we should go back to the hotel now,’ she said, unable to bear feeling so envious of some other woman. She wasn’t a jealous person usually and this alien emotion nauseated her.
‘But I haven’t shown you the lighthouse yet,’ he said.
‘I think we’ve done all we needed to do this afternoon, don’t you?’ She looked up at him and waited for him to answer.
He nodded. ‘Fine… You’re right. It’s time to go back.’
They walked back in silence. She stole a glance up at him and saw such sadness in his face that for a second she felt cruel. She’d been the one who promised to contact him and hadn’t. It’s my own fault, she realised. If I had answered his emails like I wanted to then none of this would have happened. She’d had her reasons though, despite how much she wanted to turn back the clock, and nothing could change what she’d had to cope with then. She pushed the image of Aaron to the back of her mind. She couldn’t cope with thinking about him right now. ‘Life’s a real pain sometimes,’ she said, not meaning tovoice her thoughts.
‘You’re not kidding.’
They arrived back at the hotel valley and Daisy stopped and turned to him. ‘Let’s go our separate ways from here,’ she said, unable to bear being with him and her thoughts a moment longer. ‘I’m going to go to my room for a bit and I think you need to go and see if Fi needs anything.’ She checked her watch. ‘I’ve got to be back on reception in just over an hour and need to shower and chill for a bit first.’
‘Why don’t you have a swim?’ he suggested. ‘The pool is lovely and cool enough to be refreshing.’
