‘What?’ I asked, resisting my desire to mother him and forcing an aggressive tone instead.
‘I… Erm…’ Rob said. ‘I just thought, maybe, I could get you… you know… a drink or something?’
I raised my glass of snakebite. ‘Got one.’
‘Maybe later then?’ Rob said, sending me a clumsy, matey wink.
‘I’m not sure if you noticed this, Rob, but my mum’s the barmaid,’ I said. ‘So my drinks are on the house.’
‘Right,’ Rob said. ‘Well, in that case, you could buy me one.’
‘Yeah, but why would I?’ I said. ‘I don’t even know you. I don’t evenwantto know you.’
‘Oh. Oh, OK!’ Rob said, his smile fading as he blushed deeply once again. ‘I only… never mind.’
Once he’d left the bar, I felt awful. I’d been rude to him, and I knew it. But in a pub like that, you kind of had to be, really. Otherwise the men never left you alone.
‘W’happen?’ Mum asked, during a pause. Rick Astley was belting out of the jukebox, so she had to shout.
‘W’happen with what?’ I asked.
‘What did you do with my lovely Rob?’ she asked, peering around the room in search of him.
‘Mum!’ I whined. ‘Jesus, I haven’t even split up with Billy yet, and you’re already trying to set me up.’
‘Yet…’ Mum repeated, with meaning. ‘So you’ve decided then. It’s over.’
‘No I haven’t,’ I told her. ‘I haven’t decided nothing.’
‘Anything,’ Mum said. ‘It’s I haven’t decidedanything.’
‘That’s rich, coming from you. My grammar teacher, now, are you?’
‘Well, anyway, you should talk to Rob about it,’ Mum said. ‘That’s why I introduced you.’
‘Mum,’ I said. ‘Just stop.’
‘Serious,’ Mum said. ‘He’s clever. Wise, like.’
I rolled my eyes as she leaned closer. ‘Plus,’ she murmured in my ear. ‘I think he’s probably, you know…’
‘Probably what?’ I asked. I took a sip of my cider.
‘I suspect,’ Mum said, ‘he’s a bit poofy.’
I laughed so suddenly, I spat my cider out. Because the idea that massive, squaddie Rob might be ‘a bit poofy’ was laughable.
‘Talk to ’im,’ Mum said. ‘You’ll see.’
So I did. The next time he came to the bar, I abandoned my stool and went over to apologise. ‘Sorry if I was rude before…’ I started.
‘If?’ Rob repeated, laughing.
‘OK, I’m sorry Iwasrude before,’ I said. ‘It’s just, I thought you were trying to chat me up, and I’m really not in the mood.’
‘I got that,’ Rob said. ‘And the thought never crossed my mind.’
‘Well, good,’ I replied, allowing myself to smile. ‘All forgiven, then?’
