‘Yeah,’ I said. ‘Tracey. That’s her. She’s still the same as ever.’
‘She was brilliant your mum,’ Billy said. ‘I used to wish I had a mother like yours.’
‘I used to feel pretty jealous of yours,’ I told him. ‘All those books. The records. The holidays in France.’
‘The unlimited stash of weed.’ Billy laughed.
‘Indeed,’ I said. ‘Are they OK?’
‘Nah,’ Billy said. ‘Not really. Mum died of lung cancer and Dad’s in a home. Full-blown Alzheimer’s. Can’t tell his arse from his elbow.’
‘Oh God,’ I said. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘Yeah,’ Billy said wistfully. ‘It is what it is.’
We talked for almost an hour, and by the time it was over I was chilled to the bone.
When I got home, Rob looked up from the television and said, ‘Oh, you’re back. I was worried,’ though it has to be said, he didn’t look particularly worried. Helookedlike he was watching a Bruce Willis film.
I left him to watch the rest of his film and went through to the kitchen, where, nursing a cup of tea, I took the time to revel in my conversation. It had been absolutely gorgeous, and I was feeling flushed with joy in the afterglow.
We’d talked about the old days, mainly – our brilliant trip to the New Forest, and the garage he’d once lived in; Billy’s friends from way back when. We’d talked about how exciting it had felt being young, and how being old and married was overrated, and how we both felt we’d lost our sense of self and how it was hard to feel any linearity, as Billy so marvellously put it, between who we’d been back then and who we were now. I’d forgotten how clever he was, how literary and generally good at expressing himself.
Then, we’d talked about ordinary life and Covid-19 and agreed that it was best to meet earlier, rather than later.
Once, finally, we’d ended the call, I’d sat and stared at the waves. I’d whispered, out loud, speaking to the sea, really, ‘He was the one! All these years, and I really was supposed to be with him all along.’ It was silly, and I knew it, but it seemed true to me in that moment.
* * *
My God, that week went slowly.
I filled the days studying Google Maps, wondering what to wear, getting my nails done and my hair cut into a bob. Lord, I even waxed my bush! In any other couple, that might have raised suspicions, but Rob hadn’t seen me naked in years.
Despite the fact that he really wasn’t the suspicious kind, he still sensed something was up.
‘You OK?’ he asked me on Wednesday night. ‘You seem kind of funny.’
‘Funny?’ I repeated, mockingly.
‘Yeah, funny,’ Rob said. ‘Sort of happy but weird and edgy.’
‘Well the happy thing’s probably just springtime,’ I said. ‘I always feel better when spring arrives.’
‘Only we’re still in winter,’ Rob pointed out.
‘You know what I mean,’ I said. ‘It’s been lovely these past few days.’
‘Fair enough. And the edgy vibe?’
‘Can’t say I’ve noticed,’ I lied. ‘But it’s probably all this Covid-19 stuff. Everyone’s a bit on edge, aren’t they?’
‘Sure,’ Rob said. ‘It is kind of scary.’
‘Do you think they’ll end up locking us all up, like the Chinese?’ I asked.
Rob laughed. ‘Johnson?’ he said. ‘He couldn’t organise it if he wanted to.’
‘They’re talking about closing schools in Italy,’ I said. ‘They’re going to ban non-essential travel, too.’
