She moved her mouth silently for a bit and then quietly said, ‘Rob.’ She said it flatly, without recognition or any kind of intonation. I think she was simply repeating the word.
‘This is…’ Lucy gasped. And then she was gone, running out into the street.
‘Go with her,’ Rob said nodding at me. ‘I’ll only be a couple more minutes.’
I found Lucy pacing the car park, her eyes glossy with tears. ‘That was just so awful,’ she said, shaking her head. ‘I’m sorry I ran out but…’
‘It’s OK,’ I told her, grabbing her elbow and reeling her in for a hug. ‘I know. It’s horrific.’
‘Can you imagine?’ she asked, and though I didn’t know if she meant,Can you imagine how it feels, being like that?orCan you imagine being that distant with your parents?orCan you imagine seeing your parents in such a decrepit state?I said, ‘No, I can’t,’ because the truth was I couldn't imagine any of it.
‘Can we go for a walk or something?’ Lucy asked, glancing furtively back at the house. ‘I don’t want to even be near the place.’
‘Sure,’ I said. ‘I’ll go tell Rob.’
We walked to the seafront – it wasn’t far – and then continued on along the coast. I checked my phone a few times and when there was still no news from Rob half an hour later I suggested we turn back. ‘If he’s still with them we can wait in that cafe we saw,’ I suggested.
‘Sure,’ Lucy said. ‘I’m starting to get hungry anyway.’
We’d walked in near silence until that moment, both lost, I think, in our thoughts. But as we started to head back, Lucy asked, ‘What do you think happened, Mum? Or do you secretly know?’
‘I don’t,’ I told her. ‘I really don’t.’
‘But you must have an idea,’ she said. ‘You must have a theory after all these years.’
‘Only I don’t, really,’ I said. ‘Rob’s never given me any clues. As you know he really doesn’t like to talk about them. But I think it must have been quite bad.’
‘Yeah,’ Lucy said. ‘I was thinking maybe…’
I braced myself because I thought she was about to put words to something so awful that I’d never even allowed myself to think it in any coherent way.
Instead she said, ‘… never mind. I really don’t know,’ and I was happy to leave it at that.
‘I’m not sure I evenwantto know, if I’m honest,’ I told her. It was an attempt at closing the conversation.
‘No,’ Lucy agreed. ‘Just seeing them was bad enough. They were creepy. I know that sounds nasty and they’re my grandparents and everything, but didn’t you think they were creepy?’
‘Maybe,’ I said. ‘Maybe a bit.’
‘Dadsaidnot to come,’ Lucy said. ‘Now I’m thinking he was right.’
‘At least you’ve seen them,’ I said.
‘That’s kind of my point,’ Lucy said. ‘I’m wishing that I hadn’t.’
When we reached the cafe, I texted Rob so that he could join us.
‘You were with them a long time, in the end,’ I said, once he arrived, looking red-faced and either flustered or angry – I wasn’t sure which.
‘Not really,’ he said. ‘I left just after you.’
‘Oh,’ I said. ‘Then where were you? Why didn’t you call?’
‘I was just in the car, catching my breath.’
‘Did you look in the box?’ Lucy asked.
‘Like I said,’ Rob said, ‘I’ll do that back at home.’
