‘You weresupposedto drive me to the effing hospital, Rob,’ she said, and I saw that her eyes were shiny with tears.
‘And I will, Dawn,’ I said, grabbing her arm again as she tried to move away. ‘I promise you, I will. We’ve still got…’ I checked my watch. ‘See, it’s only two-thirty. We’ve got loads of time if that’s what you really want. I just want to be sure—’
‘What I really want?’ she spat. ‘Jesus, Christ, what planet are you on, Rob? Planet bloody… Zorg?’
‘Planet Zorg?’ I repeated. I loved everything she said so much it was hard not to smile whenever she spoke. ‘Whereisplanet Zorg, Dawney?’
‘Oh shut up,’ she said.
‘Just think about it,’ I persisted. ‘Think about what I’m offering here.’
She tried to pull away again, so I grabbed her sleeve and held on tight. ‘I love you, Dawn,’ I said. ‘I know you don’t believe that’s true, but it is. I’ve loved you since I first laid eyes on you. And I’m not perfect, but I am one of the good guys. Really, I am. And I want to make a home for you and our baby in that big house back there.’
‘Even if it’s notourbaby?’ she asked, sounding like she was intentionally being cruel. But that ‘if’ was music to my ears. ‘Even if it’sBilly’sbaby?’
‘We’ll never know, will we?’ I said. ‘So that’s something we can just decide for ourselves. If we decide that it’s ours, then it’s ours.’
‘Just drive me to the hospital, Rob,’ she said. ‘Or if you don’t want to do that, then at least let go of my effing arm so that I can walk.’
So I drove her to the hospital. She sat beside me in stony silence.
I stopped at the bus stop outside the hospital and asked her if she was sure about this.
‘Yes,’ she said. ‘Yes, I’m sure.’
So I pulled into the hospital car park and bought a ticket at the pay-and-display. ‘I got two hours,’ I told Dawn, ‘but if it’s not enough I can get more.’
‘Two hours?’ she said. ‘Are you getting an abortion too?’
I shrugged. ‘I assumed you’d want someone to hold your hand. Someone to drive you home afterwards?’
Dawn shook her head as though I’d said something crazy and then started to stride towards the main entrance. ‘All they do is give me a stupid pill, Rob,’ she muttered over her shoulder. ‘And then another one I take at home and it’s done.’
‘OK then,’ I said, trotting to catch up. ‘Well, I can drive you home after your pill.’
When we reached the main entrance she paused and took a deep breath. ‘Here goes,’ she said. And then she stunned me by grabbing my hand.
We had to wait in a queue at the main desk for almost ten minutes and holding hands started to feel awkward and sweaty. I’d hardly ever held hands with a girl in public before and it made me feel self-conscious. I thought about this as we stood there, and realised that I couldn’t even dig up a memory of having held hands with my parents. I was actually a bit relieved when she released me from her grip.
‘I’ve got an appointment for a medical termination,’ Dawn announced, when it was finally our turn. ‘But the thing is, I think I’ve changed my mind.’
I’m pretty sure I gasped out loud. I turned to look at her, but she was rigidly avoiding my gaze.
‘Is it today, your appointment?’ the receptionist asked.
Dawn nodded. ‘It’s right now, actually,’ she said. ‘Well, in four minutes.’
‘But you’re not going through with it.’
‘No,’ Dawn said. ‘No, I don’t think so.’
‘Then you should probably go through and tell them that yourself,’ the woman said.
‘Yeah…’ Dawn said, glancing in the direction the woman was indicating, and then back towards the entrance. ‘Sorry,’ she added. ‘No can do.’
And then before I understood what was happening, she was striding back across the hall.
‘Your name?’ the receptionist called out. ‘Miss? Your name!’ But it was too late. Dawn had slipped through the doors.
