“Oh, come on,” I interrupt, swerving around a slow-moving truck.“We just saw you with Candy.Or Candace.Whatever her real name is.”
SLURP.SLURP.SLURP.
The slurping intensifies, if that’s even possible.I catch Nick’s eye in the mirror, and he gives me the slightest nod.The sound is driving Tom absolutely insane—I can see his jaw clenching with every slurp.
“Look, that was just—She’s just a friend?—”
“A friend who sits on your lap?”Jake’s voice is calm, like he’s discussing the weather.“That’s interesting.I have friends, too, but I don’t grope them in public bars.”
I slam on the brakes at a stop light, sending Tom lurching forward against his seatbelt.“Oops.Sorry about that.”
“You did that on purpose!”
“Did I?”I give him my most innocent look.“Jake, did I do that on purpose?”
“Hard to say,” Jake muses.“Caleb’s always been a bit of a chaotic driver.Accidents happen all the time with him behind the wheel.”
The light turns green, and I gun it again, the engine roaring as we speed down the street.In the back, the slurping finally stops—Nick must have hit the bottom of his beer.
“Thank God,” Tom mutters.
That’s when Nick starts slurping air through the straw, making an even more annoying sound.
SLURP-WHISTLE.SLURP-WHISTLE.SLURP-WHISTLE.
“Oh, come on!”Tom spins around again.“What is wrong with you?”
Nick doesn’t say anything, just keeps making that god-awful noise while staring at Tom with dead eyes.
“He’s processing,” I explain helpfully, taking another turn that makes Tom grab the door handle again.“He gets like this when he’s thinking about violence.”
“Violence?”Tom’s voice shoots up an octave.
“You like your kneecaps?”Nick speaks for the first time, his voice completely flat.
Tom blinks rapidly.“Uh...Y-yeah?”
Nick nods once.“Good.Keep it that way.”
Then he goes right back to slurping air through his straw.
“What does that mean?”Tom looks between all of us frantically.“What does that mean?!”
“It means whatever you want it to mean,” Jake says with a warm smile that doesn’t reach his eyes.“See, the beautiful thing about language is interpretation.Take legal terms, for example.Did you know that infidelity isn’t technically illegal?”
“That’s...That’s good, right?”
“But fraud is.”Jake’s smile widens.“And technically, telling my sister you’re exclusive while sneaking around could be construed as fraudulent misrepresentation.Emotional damages, breach of trust...Judges really hate that sort of thing.”
I can practically see Tom’s brain trying to process whether that’s actually a real law or not.
“Is that...Is that real?”
“Want to find out?”Jake pats Tom’s shoulder in a friendly gesture that makes him flinch.“I know some great judges.They owe me favors.”
SLURP-WHISTLE.SLURP-WHISTLE.
“Can he please stop that noise?”
