Caleb has already unwrapped mine and is biting into it when Joshua hands me the other one.It smells really good, and my stomach rumbles.Tearing off part of the covering, I glance at my colleague.“So, what do you want?And don’t say ‘nothing’ because you only bring food when you need something.”
My friend gives me an innocent look.“Why do you always assume the worst of me, Eve?Can’t I get you something to eat without wanting a favor in return?”
I bite into the burrito, and close my eyes as the taste of perfectly salted eggs, tomatoes, and sausage hit my tongue.Chewing thoughtfully, I glance at him.“So you don’t need a favor?”
He smiles.“Well, if you’re offering...”
I roll my eyes and gesture with my head.“What is it?And make it quick, I have actual work to do.”
He slides his chair closer.“There’s a girl I’ve been seeing.”
“Macy?”
“No, Macy and I ended things.This is a new one.We met at a bar around Christmas last month.”
I wait for the punchline.There’s always a punch line.
“She won’t leave my apartment.”
I’m about to bite into my burrito when his words stall me.“I’m sorry what?”
Joshua looks pained.“I brought her home one night.Three or four nights ago.And now she won’t leave.She’s there when I go home.She’s cleaning my place.She’s doing my laundry.She’s cooking.I can’t handle this!I’ll go crazy.I need her out!”
I give him a long look, considering his words.“So you brought this girl home, you’re sleeping with her every night, she is making your home less of a pigsty, and you want to kick her out?Do you have a problem with freshly laundered clothes, Joshua?”
“I have a problem with Crazy Eyes telling me we’ll make adorable children together,” Joshua hisses, his expression strained.“Eve.”He grabs my hands, his eyes wild.“Eve, just come over tonight and pretend to be my girlfriend, and beat her up or something.Please!I’ll buy you whatever you want.I’ll take you out to dinner.I’ll do whatever you want!Just get her out of my apartment!”
“I’m not going to beat her up.”I pull my hands free before taking another bite of my burrito.“But sure.I have nothing better to do on a Friday night.”
“Really?”Joshua gives me a wary look.
I shrug.“I don’t mind.As long as you get me a reservation at Le Fount, that new Italian place on Madison Avenue.”
Joshua narrows his eyes at me.“You know it’s impossible to get reservations there.The place is booked out for months.”
I chew slowly, holding his gaze.“You want me to convince Crazy Eyes we’re together, you’d best make it worth my while, buddy.I want to have lunch there next week.Figure it out or figure out how to live with your new roommate forever.”
Joshua’s mouth moves like a fish before he groans.“Fine.Fine!I’ll figure it out.Just come over and get rid of her first.”
I hold out my hand, shaking my head.“Reservations first.I wasn’t born yesterday, Taylor.”
He stares at me.“You’re cold.”
I just beam at him.“Have fun with your future wife and potential mother of your adorable children.”
I’ve just turned my chair away when he slides me back around, gripping both sides of the chair with his hands, caging me in.“Alright.Fine!I’ll have the reservation by lunch.”
“Then I’ll drop by tonight,” I reply cheerfully.
As Joshua sinks into his chair, relieved, I hear Caleb murmur, “Interesting side-hustle you have there, Lopez.”
I blink at him.“And this is your business how exactly?”
He shrugs.“Normal people help out their friends without extorting them first.I’m just pointing out?—”
“Why don’t you focus on that survey report I sent you last night and stop worrying about things that don’t concern you?”I narrow my gaze at him.“Unless you’re volunteering to play fake boyfriend instead?I’m sure you have experience pretending to be someone you’re not.”
He flashes me a quick steely smile, his dimple showing.“I already have that report done.I sent it to you around dawn.Maybe you should check your email before you bite my head off?”
