Nothing wouldeverbreak us. I caught her hand, brought it to my lips, and kissed her knuckles before lowering both our hands to my lap. “You can’t hide this from me anymore. If we’re going to do this, then we do it together. That means I need to know when something like this happens. I told you I’m not scared of your darkness. I meant it.”
Relief smoothed her expression.
“But we also need to keep this between us, alright?” I said.
Her relief turned to a deep frown.
“The last thing I need is Eliza plotting a dozen ways to bury a dagger in your side because she thinks you’ve gone dark. Right now, she thinks you’re suffering from PTSD.”
Lily’s eyes widened.
“Let her keep thinking that,” I said flatly. It was safer. “You love her, and I would hate to have to kill her to protect you. Promise me.”
She hesitated but finally nodded.
“You need to rest,” I said. “You’re spent.”
Fear instantly flashed across her face. “What if?—”
“I’ll be here,” I said, my voice steel. “If the darkness comes, I’ll drag you back. I’llalwaysdrag you back.”
A weak smile crossed her face before she leaned in and kissed me—slow, tender, a ghost of her usual heat. I cupped the back of her head and pulled her toward me, kissing her forehead.
“Sleep. I’m not going anywhere.”
She eased down onto the stone bed. I found a thin blanket crumpled in the corner—compliments of the last resident—and draped it over her. Her eyes had already started to close by the time I brushed a stray lock of hair from her face.
I sat there and listened as her breathing evened out while contemplating everything she’d said and done. She’d taken control of Miriel’s pestilence and shoved it into the ground like it was nothing. She was stronger now than I had ever known her to be, and yet more vulnerable than ever. All I could think about was the darkness poisoning her from the inside out. The part of her I couldn’t fight.
She was mine to protect, but this was one instance where I didn’t know how. I couldn’t show her that fear, though. If she saw how worried I was, it would undo her.
So, I did the only thing I could. I sat and kept watch. All the while knowing the darkness that lived within her hadn’t finished with her yet.
Chapter Eighteen
LILY
I woketo a heavy weight pressing on my sternum and the sound of deep purring that vibrated right through to my bones. I cracked open an eye and smiled when I found myself nose-to-nose with Purrgatory. My ginger fluffball was sprawled across my chest, his tail thwacking my stomach and his chartreuse eyes peering straight into my soul.
“Really?” I asked, my voice rough with sleep. “You couldn’t nap literally anywhere else?” Not that my room had much space. Or creature comforts, for that matter. I’d barely spared it a glance last night, but I’d seen enough to know it had a stone bed and not much else.
Purrgy blinked once. Slow and regal, like the pretentious beast he was. Then he shoved his head beneath my chin and rubbed his cheek against mine. That close, oh, I could smell exactly what he’d been eating recently. And it didn’t smell good at all. Of course, that was an occupational hazard when one lived in Hell. You ate what you caught. And for Purrgy, that consisted of smaller pests.
A sudden shift of movement drew my attention to the left, where Rathiel lay next to me, one arm cushioned under his head. Seeing as we didn’t have any pillows, there wasn’t much else of a choice.
Asleep, he didn’t look like the merciless commander who barked orders at everyone. He didn’t even look like a dangerous vampire. Or a demonically possessed fallen angel. No, here, like this, he looked almost…soft. For once, he was relaxed. It wasn’t a state I often saw him in. For half a second, he looked almost human, an illusion that immediately shattered when his hand twitched and he reached for a blade.
I smoothed a hand over Purrgy’s side, then reached up and scritched behind his ear, quietly chuckling when he flopped over sideways, his dead weight draped over my ribs. I had to admit, this was nice. Things had been so wild lately that I hadn’t found the time to spend with him or Vol. I also hadn’t realized how much I’d missed it. There was something soothing about a cat purring on your chest. Almost like it forced you to take a moment and justbe.
“You’d still love me if I went full villain, right?” I murmured as I rubbed under his chin.
His response was to purr louder, which I interpreted as a yes. Or maybe “feed me.” With him, it could go either way.
My eyes drifted back to Rathiel, while my thoughts strayed to our conversation last night. I’d finally revealed everything to him, and the relief had exhausted me—even more than destroying the pestilence. It felt so good to get it out in the open. It felt even better that he hadn’t abandoned me after hearing everything. Not that I ever thought he would, but there was this niggling fear, one that wouldn’t shut up.
Now that he knew about it, maybe he could help me learn to control the darkness. With war looming on the horizon, itseemed like that might be an important thing to learn. The last thing I needed was to lose control while up against my father.
As though annoyed by my lack of attention, Purrgy pawed at my throat—claws retracted. Chuckling, I obliged and gave him another delightful scratch until he turned into a puddle of feline smugness. To him, I was just another body. A source of heat and affection.
