“What is it?”
“The letters stand for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder,” she said. “Picture it this way. You’ve fought in wars. You’ve bled, you’ve killed, you’ve seen some gnarly, gory things, yes?”
I jerked a nod.
“Well, your brain stores it all. The adrenaline, the terror. But when everything calms down, even if just for a moment, and you can finally relax, your brain doesn’t understand you’re safe. And it’s almost like it plays a trick on you, to keep you alert and aware. It makes you think you’re back in it, still fighting that war, even if you’re not. And when that happens, it manifests itself as nightmares, trouble sleeping, anxiety, aggression, angry outbursts—does any of this sound familiar?”
All of it, unfortunately.
“Lily is showing the symptoms,” Eliza finished. “Last night, she brought her army back from the dead. For the first time in a long while, she could relax. All these hellspawn she trusts with her life—her words, not mine—suddenly surrounded her. They’re here, and they’ll protect her from Lucifer, from dragons, from any threat that manifests. When I was singing last night, she visibly relaxed. And when that happens, it’s like a pressure valve is released inside. The body knows it isn’t in immediate danger, but the brain doesn’t believe it. Brains can be stupid that way.”
“Except, she doesn’t have a human brain.”
“Like I said, I’ve seen this in vampires, werewolves, even other sirens. She’s a celestial, but she’s still human—for lack of a better phrase. I know she isn’tactuallya human, but…”
I understood her point.
“Can you tell me our girl hasn’t been in some truly horrifying situations?” Eliza asked. “Even in, say, the last few weeks?”
Unfortunately, I couldn’t tell her that. Lily had faced more impossible situations than anyone should ever have to endure—many of them in the past few weeks alone. Since I’d found her on Earth, she’d killed her traitorous ex-best friend, fought—and nearly been killed by—Lucifer’s fallen, watched someone she cared about die, and then returned to Hell knowing it would eventually force her to face her father again. Then she’d fallen into a coma to restore her memories, fought and killed a dragon, lost another companion, resurrected her army… The list went on and on. Anyone would break after all that.
My gaze returned to Lily, as it always did, only to note she still hadn’t moved.
“How do we help her?” I asked.
“That’s the hard part,” Eliza said. “PTSD isn’t the same from person to person. Everyone experiences it differently. But from what I’ve seen and read, the best thing is not to crowd her. Don’t ever make a spectacle of whatever she’s feeling. Don’t draw attention to any of her symptoms. You keep an eye on the triggers that affect her and try to alleviate them for her. We make sure she eats and sleeps and fuels that immortal body of hers. We let her set the pace. And when she wants to talk, we don’t try to magically fix her problems or tell her there’s nothing to worry about. We shut up, we listen, we sympathize and offer comfort.”
“I can do that,” I said gruffly.
“Yeah, I know you can,” Eliza paused for a beat. “Butyoualso need to sleep, Rathiel. You can’t wear yourself ragged guardingher for days on end. We’re all here to support her. Even when she explodes and lashes out at us.”
A bark of laughter to our right pulled my attention away from our conversation. Korrak, Sareth, Varz, and Calder were walking among the ranks, kicking all the others awake, just for fun. I scanned the rest of our surroundings to find Calyx now seated by Levi. The latter met my gaze across the fire, then dipped his chin. I returned it before facing Eliza again.
I had a question for the siren. One I hadn’t had a chance to ask. But since we were here, and things were moderately quiet, now was the time.
“There’s something I need to know,” I said. “And you’re going to tell me the exact truth. No sidestepping.”
“Sounds ominous.”
“I know you two’ve madesomesort of an agreement, and I want the details.”
She sighed.
It took all my willpower to keep from forcing her to talk. I wanted answers. Now.
“You already figured it out,” she said.
“Yes, but now I want the finer details. All of it.”
“Fine,” Eliza said, clearly sensing my impatience. “If the worstdoeshappen and her magic turns her dark, she wants me to be the one who…” She hesitated, then bit out, “makes the call.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Makeswhatcall?”
“You know exactly what call,” she muttered darkly, pulling her knees up to her chest. “Thecall.”
Anger flared in my chest, and my mouth opened, ready to utter every terrifying threat I could think possible.
Eliza held out a placating hand. “Just listen, okay? She knows you would never hurt her. But she also knows how bad things could get if the magic she’s experimenting with consumes and turns her. The last thing we need is another Lucifer. We all knowif she turns into her father, we’re screwed. And she refuses to place that burden on you. So, I get to do it. Yay me.”
